16 | May | 2013 | Impressions

. By T.V. Antony Raj

Generally, Asians who return to their homeland after a sojourn abroad become the cynosure of discussion among their envious folks. Their friends and relatives think that they purposely act funny to show off the habits they had picked up abroad.

By the way, I returned to India in January 2013 after a year-long holiday in the USA. In March 2007, long before I went to the USA, I came across some posts on the net with titles such as: “What happen when Desi Returns from USA” (sic), “21 Funny ways to spot a US returned Indian!” and many others, and had a good laugh.

Here are some ways to spot a Desi who has just returned from the USA:

1. Complains about “Jet Lag” even after two weeks.

2. Even after 4 months of arrival from abroad the stickers and labels of Airways are not removed from the luggage bags. Even for short visits roll out the cabin luggage bags, with Airways stickers still on them, on scraggy roads and uneven pavements.

3. Begins most conversations with “In US …” or “When I was in US …”

4. Complains about heat, dust, air pollution and excess humidity every time they step out of the house.

5. Uses deodorant sprays inside the house, and sprays deodorant perfumes on self and at times avoid bathing.

6. Wears ‘cargo’ pants and uses the pockets as temporary trash carriers and dumps the contents into real dustbins, if one is found at all. Toilet tissues also find their place in the pant pockets and in ladies’ handbags.

7. Complains about power-cuts and load shedding and praises the power service in the USA. In fact, complains about everything in India as if experiencing the inconveniences for the first time. If the power gets cut, instead of telephoning the Electricity Board, looks at other houses to verify that they too are experiencing the same inconvenience.

8. Wears seatbelt in cars and advises others to do so. Scorns the Indian roads. Automobiles are Audi, Mercedes, Lamborghini and not Maruti, Tata or Bajaj.

9. Says: “Excuse me” after sneezing.

10. Thanks waiters in restaurants.

11. Carries mineral water everywhere, and always speaks of ‘health’. Scrutinizes labels on milk products for the percentage of fat content. Prefers “Diet Coke” to normal Coke.13. Abhors eating or drinking tea in wayside hotels. Scorns Dhaba food while praising KFC or McDonald’s. Avoids eating hot chili stuff.

12. Tries to use a credit card or debit card in roadside hotels.

13. Distances are miles (not kilometers), weights are in pounds (not kilograms), and counts in millions (not in lakhs). Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY instead of DD/MM/YYYY.

14. Tries to figure all prices in dollars. They forget that when they were in the USA they mentally converted the price of each item they came across from dollars to rupees by multiplying roughly by 50.

15. Pronounces “schedule” as “skejule“, “module” as “Mojule”, and “Steak” as “Stake”.

16. Says:

“Hey” instead of “Hi”

“Yogurt” instead of “Curd”

“Cab” instead of “Taxi”

“Candy” instead of “Chocolate”

“Cookie” instead of “Biscuit”

“Free Way” instead of “Highway”

“Got To Go” instead of “Have To Go”

“Oh” instead of “Zero”. For 707, says “seven oh seven” instead of “seven zero seven”.

“X, Y, Zee” instead of “X, Y, Zed”