Tag Archives: satire

If You Buy a Bullet, You Must Go to Ladakh!


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Myself  .By T.V. Antony Raj

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Royal Enfield Bullet Sporty single 500cc (Source: enfieldmotorcycles.in)
Royal Enfield Bullet Sporty single 500cc (Source: enfieldmotorcycles.in)

Today I saw the following write-up in enfieldmotorcycles.in under the heading “ROYAL ENFIELD BULLET SPORT CONCEPT“:

Imagine if Royal Enfield releaseded a sporty single 500cc for the European market. (sic)

The Bullet Sport Concept could look a little like this. The production version will become simpler in order to reduce the price, but fundamentally it could have the same shape.

The new engine is quite an improvement but this design might still be a bit of wishful thinking. It looks good, no doubt about that, and if you had a race series with only these bikes allowed, it could be a lot of fun. So, if you think about it that way, why not? Interesting.

Yesterday, I came across an article in fakingnews.firstpost.com titled “Man’s Bullet motorcycle taken back for not visiting Ladakh within 6 months of purchase“. It was posted by  in a tongue-in-cheek demeanor

I confess that I am an ignoramus when it comes to the subject of motorcycles. I have only a TVS Heavy Duty Super XL. As I could not reach the author of this interesting post, can anyone tell me whether there is an iota of truth in this revelation?

Here is the body of Mr. Sandeep Kadian’s post:

Motorcycle manufacturing company Royal Enfield has shocked one of its customers when they confiscated his Bullet motorcycle after he failed to visit Ladakh even after 6 months of purchase.

Rajat Sharma from Dwarka in Delhi had bought a new Bullet motorcycle in May this year, but it was forcibly taken back from him by Royal Enfield after he was found not following the unwritten clauses of the user manual.

Bullet bike trip to Leh-Ladakh region could soon be made compulsory by constitutional amendment. (Source: fakingnews.firstpost.com)
Bullet bike trip to Leh-Ladakh region could soon be made compulsory by constitutional amendment. (Source: fakingnews.firstpost.com)

Speaking to Faking News, a bewildered Rajat said, “This is crazy. I got a call from their customer service department who asked me how my Ladakh experience was. When I told them that I haven’t been there yet, they arrived and took back the bike!”

“I tried telling them that I work as an IT engineer and we don’t get enough days off to plan a road trip to Ladakh, but they didn’t listen. They returned the amount I had paid for the bike and took it away with them,” Rajat recounted as he broke down in tears.

When we contacted Royal Enfield for their side of the story, they strongly defended their decision and claimed that Rajat has hurt their brand image by traveling only between Delhi and Gurgaon riding on a Bullet.

“Take a DTC bus or a shared auto if that’s what you want to do. Why buy a Bullet for that?” Marketing manager Mr. Ramesh Rastogi told Faking News.

“See, it is an unwritten rule that if you have a Bullet, you must ride on it to Ladakh. By not going there for 6 months, what is Mr. Rajat trying to say? That our Bike is to be used in city traffic? This is unacceptable!” he explained how the user manual instructions were not met by Rajat.

“In fact, Rajat should be glad that we just confiscated the bike and didn’t seek legal action for causing damage to our brand image in the market. Let this be a warning to all future buyers, we won’t compromise on our brand image,” Mr. Rastogi declared.

“If you buy a Bullet, you must go to Ladakh. At least go till Rohtang immediately,” he added.

Sources tell Faking News that Rajat had promised to go to Ladakh as a compromise, but without a Bullet motorcycle. This offer of settlement was laughed off by the bike company.

“Going to Ladakh without Bullet? Who does he think he is? A Chinese soldier?” Mr. Rastogi said.

On an unrelated note, industrialist Anil Ambani’s broom was taken away from his home after he didn’t share an image on social media showing him cleaning up dry leaves as part of Prime Minister’ Swachchh Bharat Mission.

Oh my! The last paragraph in the post, and the following disclaimer I found in another post in the same website cleared my doubts.

Disclaimer: This article has NOT been edited or written by the Faking News editorial team for publication as a mainstream article. This is a user generated content, and could be unusually better or worse in quality than an article published on the mainstream Faking News website. You too can write your own news report on My Faking News.

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Did Samsung Pay the Fine of One Billion Dollars to Apple in Nickels?


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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Samsung vs Apple
Samsung vs Apple

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The various litigation filed by Apple Inc. worldwide over technology patents are now known as “Smartphone patent wars.”

In 2011, while Apple Inc., and Motorola Mobility were already involved in a patent war on many fronts, Apple filed lawsuits against Samsung Electronics Co., Ltd., in patent infringement suits over the style and design of smartphones and tablet computing devices. By July 2012,  Apple and Samsung manufactured over fifty percent of smartphones sold worldwide.

By August 2011, there were 19 ongoing suits in nine countries around the world between Apple and Samsung. In October, the number of legal disputes extended to 10 countries, and in July 2012, the two companies were involved in over 50 lawsuits worldwide, with billions of US dollars claimed as damages between these. Apple received a verdict in its favor in the US and Samsung won rulings in South Korea, Japan, and the United Kingdom.

In the United States, on August 24, 2012, the jury returned a verdict essentially favorable to Apple in the ground-breaking Apple-Samsung trial. It found that Samsung had flagrantly infringed on Apple’s design and utility patents. The jury awarded Apple $1,049,343,540 billion in damages and zero to Samsung in its counter suit. Apple’s equities rose over 6%, traded at $675 a share, an all-time high for Apple.

Americn Five Cents (Image Courtesy of Heritage Auction Galleries, Ha.com)
Americn Five Cents (Image Courtesy of Heritage Auction Galleries, Ha.com)

A story posted on August 27, 2012 in the spanish website ELDERFORMA.COM was titled: “Samsung paga multa de 1 billón de dólares a Apple en monedas de 5 centavos” (“Samsung pays fine of $1 billion to Apple in coins of 5 cents”).

Samsung pays fine of $ 1 billion to Apple in 5 cent coins. (Source - elderforma.com)
Samsung pays fine of $ 1 billion to Apple in 5 cent coins. (Source – elderforma.com)

Here is the translation:

This morning more than 30 trucks filled with 5-cent coins arrived at Apple’s headquarters in California. Initially, the security company that protects the facility said the trucks were in the wrong place, but minutes later, Tim Cook (Apple CEO) received a call from Samsung CEO explaining that they will pay $1 billion dollars for the fine recently ruled against the South Korean company in this way.

The funny part is that the signed document does not specify a single payment method, so Samsung is entitled to send the creators of the iPhone their billion dollars in the way they deem best.

This dirty but genius geek troll play is a new headache to Apple executives as they will need to put in long hours counting all that money, to check if it is all there and to try to deposit it crossing fingers to hope a bank will accept all the coins.

Lee Kun-hee, Chairman of Samsung Electronics, told the media that his company is not going to be intimidated by a group of “geeks with style” and that if they want to play dirty, they also know how to do it.

You can use your coins to buy refreshments at the little machine for life or melt the coins to make computers, that’s not my problem, I already paid them and fulfilled the law.

A total of 20 billion coins, delivery hope to finish this week.

Let’s see how Apple will respond to this.

Samsung pays Apple $1 Billion sending 30 trucks full of 5 cent coins
Samsung pays Apple $1 Billion sending 30 trucks full of 5 cent coins

The original article in Spanish and translations of it in other languages spread virally. Many readers, including me, who read the article online fell for it and mistook it for real news. However, certain aspects of the article roused suspicion.

To pay Apple $1,049,343,540 billion in five-cents coins Samsung would need almost 21 billion coins, 20,986,870,800 nickels to be exact. According to the U.S. Mint’s website, only 1.02 billion nickels were minted in 2012.

So, if Samsung had paid Apple in nickels, it would have collected all the nickels minted in the last 21 years in a couple of days. But did anyone in the United States knew about it or noticed the dearth of nickels in circulation?

Let us now look at the weight of the colossal amount of nickels. Weighing five grams each, the weight of 21 billion nickels amounts to 104,934,354 kilograms or 104,934.354 metric tonnes. So, each of the 30 trucks would have carried a gargantuan amount of nickels – about 3,500 metric tonnes.

Ridiculous, isn’t it?

All the above happened last year. But now, the long debunked myth of “truck load of nickels” is making the rounds once again.

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Who is Bapu?


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Myself 

By T. V. Antony Raj

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On November 13, the day after I posted my article ASI Hits Dirt After Following a Seer’s Dream of Fool’s Gold a person commented with a poem, slightly out of context to the subject. Nevertheless, I am reproducing it here since it impressed me somewhat.

This is a free translation of the author’s Gujarati poem that he wrote on January 30,  1984.

By the way, the author Hemen Parekh celebrated his 80th birthday on Sunday, June 27, 2013.

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Mahatma Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi

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Who is Bapu?
 By Hemen Parekh

There was a time
When you were our Bapu,”
A Mahatma;
For a lifetime long
A tortured Atma;

To wash away the sins of your children
You died a martyr’s death;
Now those very children
Have opened-up a shop
To sell ” Gandhi-ism ”;

They are even maintaining
Two separate books of accounts,
One for income from ”Unknown Sources “,
Strictly as required by the law!

Even out of curiosity
Do not venture
Anywhere near;
No one will recognize you
Without your NSG / Z+ bodyguards!

And children from city slums
Will chase you, shouting,
”Ben Kingsley, Ben Kingsley, “

And when they ask you for your autograph,
Do not sign,
” Mo Ka Gandhi ”!
Just pretend that you are Ben Kingsley,
TV cameras, Reporters, Anchors
Will follow in your footsteps;

Just forget that
You were our Bapu!

Hemen Parekh

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  • Bapu (praveenndtv.wordpress.com)