Tag Archives: Noah

A Few Trivia from the Bible


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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Just for Laughs!

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The Holy Bible

Question: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:23-24)?
Answer: They were really put out.

Question: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Answer: “Your mother ate us out of house and home”  for it says in Genesis 3:6
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” (New International Version ©2011)

Question: What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
Answer: They really raised Cain.

Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah — he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Question: The ark was built in 3 stories. The top one had a window to let in light. How did the bottom two stories get light?
Answer: They used floodlights.

Question: Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
Answer: He only had two worms.

Question: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
Answer: Because Noah sat on the deck

Question: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Question: Why did Moses and his followers wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer: They didn’t want to ask directions.

Question: Which of Yahweh’s servants was the Bible’s most shameless lawbreaker?
Answer: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Question: Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy?
Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.

Question: Which Bible character had no parents?
Answer: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson — he brought the house down (Judges 16:30).

Question: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Answer: Ruth-less.

Question: Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: David – he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Question: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
Answer: The thought had never entered his head before.

Question: Did King David ride a motorcycle?
Answer: Yes. David’s Triumph could be heard throughout the land.

Question: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Answer: Nebuchadnezzar — he was on grass for seven years.

Question: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Answer: Because Job said: “All was well with me, but he shattered me; he seized me by the neck and crushed me. He has made me his target” (Job 16:12 – New
International Version ©2011)

Question: In what vehicle did the appostles travel on the day of Pentecost?
Answer: Honda Accord. “And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.” (Acts 2:1 – King James 2000 Bible ©2003)

Question: What vehicle would have been used by the apostles as described in 2 Corinthians 4:8, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but
not in despair;” (New International Version ©2011)
Answer: Volkswagen Bug.

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Chinese Man Spends Life Savings to Build 80-Ton ‘Apocalypse-Proof Noah’s Ark’


Citing Mayan Doomsday fears, Chinese Man Spends Life Savings to Build 80-Ton ‘Apocalypse-Proof Noah’s Ark’

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By 

Posted on November 29, 2012 in THE BLAZE

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Rash decisions motivated by intense fears over apocalyptic predictions are nothing new. In 2011, Christian broadcaster Harold Camping promised that the world would come to an end. Embracing his claims, some of his followers sold all of their belongings in anticipation, only to find themselves disappointed and broke. Another doomsday prediction — the dreaded Mayan apocalypse — is slated for Dec. 21. And one Chinese man, Lu Zhenghai, is building a massive ship to ensure that he and his family are protected.

Chinese Man Lu Zhenghai Builds Moder Day Noahs Ark | Mayan Doomsday
This photo taken on November 24, 2012 shows the unfinished boat built by Lu Zhenhai, a man from Urumqi, Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region, afraid that his home would be submerged in a doomsday flood in 2012. Lu said he was worried that the apocalypse would happen in 2012, so he decided to invest all his money, about 160,500 USD into building what he hopes will be his own indestructible ark. Credit: AFP/Getty Images

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China News Service (CNS) reports that the man, who resides in the northwest region of the country, has poured his life savings into building the boat. So far, Zhenghai has spent $160,000 on the vessel, which already measures 65 feet and will inevitably weigh 80 tons (it was apparently built with 10 tons of timber and an additional 60 tons of steel).

In an interview with CNS, Zhenghai explained his reasoning for creating the ship, which he commenced in 2010 when his fears over a monumental flood apparently took form. The Daily Maildubs the boat the man’s very own “apocalypse-proof ‘Noah’s Ark.’”

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Chinese Man Lu Zhenghai Builds Moder Day Noahs Ark | Mayan Doomsday
Credit: AFP/Getty Images

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“I’m afraid that when the end of the world comes in 2012, flood waters will destroy my house,” he said, according to a translation by The Huffington Post. ”So I took all my savings and invested in the construction of this boat. When the time comes, everyone can take refuge in it.”

With the alleged Mayan destruction just one month away, the ship is reportedly incomplete due to lack of funds. While there is more work to do, Zhenghai claims he won’t be distraught if a flood doesn’t arrive in the coming weeks. After all, the vessel can be used as a ferry and he hopes, at the least, that it will be revered as a tourist attraction worth seeing.

Chinese Man Lu Zhenghai Builds Moder Day Noahs Ark | Mayan Doomsday
Credit: AFP/Getty Images

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The creation of the modern-day ark comes as scientists attempt to debunk the notion that the Mayans were predicting the end of the world. The Houston Museum of Science, among other institutions, has taken explicit aim at these doomsday theories.

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Are the Creation-Flood Stories Myth or History?


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Myself . By T.V. Antony Raj .

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How should we, the contemporary readers interpret the creation-flood narrative in Genesis 2–11?

The stories are neither myth nor history.

“Myth” is a poor term, as it has many different meanings and so connotes untruth in prevalent English.

“History” is, likewise, misleading, for it implies that the events, in fact, took place. The proper term would be ‘creation-flood story.’

The ancient thinkers of the Middle East did not have our means for researching serious topics. They used narratives for issues that we would describe as philosophical or theological. They sought out meaning in the ancient stories of their times. They contemplated on topics such as: how gods act with justice and generosity, why humans are rebellious, the dynamics of carnal allurement and marital relationships, why there are so many Peoples and languages. Their stories reveal an exclusive period, when divine decisions determined the future of the human race.Moreover, every time they retold these stories, they added, or subtracted narrative matters.

Even though most of these stories might seem to us as primitive and naive, they are, in fact, narrated in a compressed form with skill, and subtlety. They offer radical answers to perennial questions about God and human beings. To illustrate here is the story of the Tower of Babel told in Genesis,

Tower of Babel
The Tower of Babel

Story of the Tower of Babel – Genesis 11:1-9

The whole world had the same language and the same words.

When they were migrating from the east, they came to a valley in the land of Shinar and settled there. They said to one another, “Come, let us mold bricks and harden them with fire.”

They used bricks for stone, and bitumen for mortar.

Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the sky, and so make a name for ourselves; otherwise we shall be scattered all over the earth.”

The LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the people had built.

Then the LORD said: If now, while they are one people and all have the same language, they have started to do this, nothing they presume to do will be out of their reach. Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that no one will understand the speech of another.

So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.

That is why it was called Babel, because there the LORD confused the speech of all the world. From there the LORD scattered them over all the earth.

One Jewish tradition implies that humans later defied God when he tried to forge a relationship between the various nations. So, God decided to direct his attention to one nation only, hoping it would eventually unite all the nations of the world. To bring God’s decision to fruition the authors of Genesis introduce Abraham.

The Covenant of Circumcision – Genesis 17:1-11

When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to Abram and said:

I am God the Almighty. Walk in my presence and be blameless. Between you and me I will establish my covenant, and I will multiply you exceedingly.

Abram fell face down and God said to him:

For my part, here is my covenant with you: you are to become the father of a multitude of nations. No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I am making you the father of a multitude of nations.

I will make you exceedingly fertile; I will make nations of you; kings will stem from you. I will maintain my covenant between me and you and your descendants after you throughout the ages as an everlasting covenant, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you.

I will give to you and to your descendants after you the land in which you are now residing as aliens, the whole land of Canaan, as a permanent possession; and I will be their God.

God said to Abraham:

For your part, you and your descendants after you must keep my covenant throughout the ages.

This is the covenant between me and you and your descendants after you that you must keep: every male among you shall be circumcised. Circumcise the flesh of your foreskin. That will be the sign of the covenant between me and you.

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Did the Gods Create Two Versions of Humans?


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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Storm Clouds by sighlent
Storm Clouds by sighlent

The Torah (Hebrew: תּוֹרָה‎‎) meaning “teaching,” “doctrine,” or “instruction” is the name given to the first five books of the Jewish Bible. In Hebrew, the five books bear the initial phrase in the text as their names: Bereshit (“In the beginning,”), Shemot (“Names,”), Vayikra (“He called”), Bamidbar (“In the desert,”) and Devarim (“Words,”).

The Pentateuch meaning “five vessels,” “five containers,” or “five-volume book” is the comparative term for the Torah in Christian theology. The Christians call the five books as Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

The Torah and the Pentateuch also known as “the five books of Moses,” form the first section of the Jewish and the Christian Scriptures.

Genesis is the first book of the Pentateuch. Its title in the Jewish Scriptures it is known as Bereshit, the opening Hebrew word, “in the beginning.” Its title in English, “Genesis,” comes from the Greek word γενέσεως of Genesis 2:4, literally, “the book of the generation (genesis) of the heavens and earth.”

Genesis 1:1–2:3 presents us a seven-day creation account where a God almighty whose mere word generates an exquisite universe. In this beautiful universe, humans play an intrinsic part.

The storyline of Genesis 2–11, find its origin in creation-flood stories found in Mesopotamian literature of the second and early first millennia.

In the Mesopotamian creation-flood accounts, the gods created the humans as immortal slaves to take care of the universe for them. The humans were needed to provide the gods with food, clothing, and pay homage to them in temples. In an unanticipated development, however, the humans grew in plenty and were so noisy that the gods were not able to sleep. Madly angered, the gods decided to destroy the human race by a universal flood. However, one man, secretly warned of the flood by his patron god, built a boat and survived with his family. Regretting their impetuous decision, the gods created a new version of mankind. They made the new human race mortal to ensure they would never grow numerous and disturb the gods.The authors of Genesis (Bereshit) adapted this Mesopotamian creation-flood story to suit their viewpoints about God and humanity. To illustrate, in Genesis we read that Noah, created by God before the floods, led a long life.

Noah lived three hundred and fifty years after the flood. The whole lifetime of Noah was nine hundred and fifty years; then he died. (Genesis 9:28-29)

These authors attributed the weakness of the gods to human sin in lieu of divine oversight.

When the LORD saw how great the wickedness of human beings was on earth, and how every desire that their heart conceived was always nothing but evil, the
LORD regretted making human beings on the earth, and his heart was grieved.

So the LORD said: I will wipe out from the earth the human beings I have created, and not only the human beings, but also the animals and the crawling things and the birds of the air, for I regret that I made them. (Genesis 6:5–7)

The authors made God reaffirm mankind without modifying the original creation

God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them: Be fertile and multiply and fill the earth.

Fear and dread of you shall come upon all the animals of the earth and all
the birds of the air, upon all the creatures that move about on the ground and all the fishes of the sea; into your power they are delivered.

Any living creature that moves about shall be yours to eat; I give them all to you as I did the green plants. Only meat with its lifeblood still in it you shall not eat.

Indeed for your own lifeblood I will demand an accounting: from every animal I will demand it, and from a human being, each one for the blood of another, I will demand an accounting for human life. Anyone who sheds the blood of a human being, by a human being shall that one’s blood be shed; For in the image of God have human beings been made. Be fertile, then, and multiply; abound on earth and subdue it. (Genesis 9:1–7).

In the biblical version God is just, powerful, and not needy.

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The cutest story ever told …


Reproduced from pastor mike says

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one’, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.

Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbour’s stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humour thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. [I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, ‘Close the door! Were you born in a barn?’ It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’]

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

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About PastorMikeSays!
An Ordained Non-Denominational Pastor who prefers to minister to the world over being too caught up in Theocracy.

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