Tag Archives: Marriage

Triple Talaq


Myself

By T. V. Antony Raj

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Quran 2-229 in Arabic

In Islam marriage is considered as an extremely desirable institution, hence its conception of marriage as the rule of life, and divorce only as an exception to that rule. According to a Hadith, Prophet Muhammad said, “Marriage is one of my Sunnah (way). One who does not follow it does not belong to me.” (Ibn Majah, Sunan, Kitab an-Nikah.)

The disintegration of a family has an injurious effect on the society. If the family no longer exists, the whole of humanity suffers.

Nature demands that men and women lead their lives together. According to the Sharia, or Islamic religious law which forms a part of the Islamic tradition, the ideal way of leading such a life is within the bonds of marriage.

In Islam, marriage is both a highly sacred bond to which great religious and social importance is attached and a civil contract entered into by mutual consent of the bride and groom.

The state of marriage lays the foundations for family life. Once a man and a woman are tied together in the bonds of matrimony, they are expected to do their utmost, till the day they die to honour and uphold what the Qur’an (4:20-21) calls their firm contract, or pledge.

وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمُ اسْتِبْدَالَ زَوْجٍ مَّكَانَ زَوْجٍ وَآتَيْتُمْ إِحْدَاهُنَّ قِنطَارًا فَلَا تَأْخُذُوا مِنْهُ شَيْئًا ۚ أَتَأْخُذُونَهُ بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُّبِينًا – 4:20
But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin?

وَكَيْفَ تَأْخُذُونَهُ وَقَدْ أَفْضَىٰ بَعْضُكُمْ إِلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا – 4:21
And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?

To this end, the full thrust of the Sharia Law is levelled at preventing the occurrence of divorce and exists primarily, as checks and not incentives.

All men and women are by nature quite different from each other, biologically. It is an accepted fact that everyone, man or woman, has strengths and weaknesses. This is equally true of husbands and wives. So, when a man and a woman are enjoined to live together as husband and wife, naturally they would have their differences.

Unity can be achieved only through patience and tolerance. According to Abu Hurayrah, the Prophet said, “No believing man should bear any grudge against a believing woman. If one of her ways is not to his liking, there must be many things about her that would please him. “ (Muslim, Sahih, Kitab ar-Rada’, 2/1091)

So, in a marriage, each partner should consciously recognize the plus points of the other and ignore the minus points. Nevertheless, in a few cases, unpleasantness crops up gradually increasing the friction between a husband and his wife preventing them from arriving at a just settlement of their differences reaching a stage of desperation that they become intent on divorce.

In such a situation, the Sharia Law gives them guidance by prescribing a specific method for separation.

The Qur’an (2:229) expresses it thus:

الطَّلَاقُ مَرَّتَانِ ۖ فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ ۗ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَأْخُذُوا مِمَّا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ شَيْئًا إِلَّا أَن يَخَافَا أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ ۗ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوهَا ۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ – 2:229
“Divorce may be pronounced twice, then a woman must be retained in honour or allowed to go with kindness.” (Qur’an, 2:229)

From this verse, we understand that once a man gives notice of divorce to his wife (not menstruating at that time) by pronouncing twice, “I divorce you,” both are expected to think the situation over a period of two months and should remember God before giving notice a third time. If the husband has a change of opinion during this period, he can withdraw his words and he should keep his spouse with him in a spirit of goodwill. On the other hand, if he still wants to divorce her, he will say again, “I divorce you,” to his wife (not menstruating at that time) and they must again review the situation for a further month. During that period, if the husband has had a change of heart, he has the right to revoke the proceedings. If at the end of the third month he does not change his mind and does not revoke the proceedings then the divorce becomes final and the man ceases to have any right to revoke it. Now he is obliged to part with his wife in a spirit of goodwill, does no injustice to her, and gives her full rights.

This prescribed method of divorce has ensured that it is a well-considered, planned arrangement and not just a rash step taken in a fit of emotion. When we remember that in most cases, divorce is the result of a fit of anger, we realize that the prescribed method places a tremendous curb on divorce. It takes into account that anger never lasts and tempers cool down after some time.

Those who feel like divorcing their wives in a fit of anger will certainly repent their emotional outburst and will wish to withdraw from the predicament it has put them in. It also takes into account that divorce is a not a simple matter: it amounts to the breaking up of the home and destroying the children’s future. It is only when tempers have cooled down that the dire consequences of divorce are realized, and the necessity to revoke the decision becomes clear.

When a man marries a woman, he has to say only once that he accepts her as his spouse. But for finalizing a divorce three utterances are required, and the Qur’an enjoins a long gap of the three-month period for formalizing it. The purpose of this gap is to give the husband enough time to revise his decision and to consult the well-wishers around him. It also allows time for relatives to intervene in the hopes of persuading both husband and wife to avoid a divorce. Without this gap, none of these things could be achieved. That is why divorce proceedings have to be spread out over a long period of time.

All these preventive measures clearly allow frayed tempers to cool, so that the divorce proceedings need not reach a stage that is irreversible. Divorce, after all, has no saving graces, particularly in respect of its consequences. It simply amounts to rid oneself of one set of problems only to become embroiled in another set of problems.

Despite all such preventive measures, it does sometimes happen that a man acts in ignorance, or is rendered incapable of thinking coolly by a fit of anger. Then on a single occasion, in a burst of temper, he utters the word “divorce” three times in a row, “talaq, talaq, talaq!”

Such incidents, which took place in the Prophet’s lifetime, still take place even today. Now the question arises as to how the would-be divorcer should be treated. Should his three utterances of talaq be treated as only one, and should he then be asked to extend his decision over a three-month period? Or should his three utterances of talaq on a single occasion be equated with the three utterances of talaq made separately over a three-month period?

There is a Hadith recorded by Imam Abu Dawud and several other traditionists which can give us guidance in this matter: Rukana ibn Abu Yazid said “talaq” to his wife three times on a single occasion. Then he was extremely sad at the step he had taken. The Prophet asked him exactly how he had divorced her. He replied that he had said “talaq” to her three times in a row. The Prophet then observed, “All three count as only one. If you want, you may revoke it.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/275)

A man may say, “talaq” to his wife three times in a row, in contravention of the Sharia’s prescribed method, thereby committing a sin, but if he was known to be in an emotionally overwrought state at the time his act may be considered a mere absurdity arising from human weakness. His three utterances of the word talaq may be taken as an expression of the intensity of his emotions and thus the equivalent of only one such utterance. He is likely to be told that, having transgressed a Sharia Law, he must seek God’s forgiveness, must regard his three utterances as only one, and must take a full three months to arrive at his final decision.

On Tuesday, August 22, 2017, in a landmark judgement, a five-judge Constitution Bench of the Supreme Court, comprising Chief Justice of India JS Khehar, Kurian Joseph, Rohinton Fali Norman, Uday Umesh Lalit and Abdul Nazeer struck down the practice of Triple Talaq declaring it as unconstitutional on the grounds that it goes against the Sharia Law and the basic tenets of the Quran.

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Tahir Mahmood, a noted Muslim jurist and former chairman of the National Commission for Minorities (thequint.com)

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The Quint spoke to noted Muslim jurist and former chairman of the National Commission for Minorities, Tahir Mahmood, on the obscurity of the debate surrounding triple talaq. Here are excerpts from the conversation.

“If we go strictly by the teachings of the Holy Quran or by the teachings of the Prophet, it is one of the best laws that humankind can have. This law is about 1,500 years old. It is a wonder that we had such a progressive law at that time.

In 7th century AD, Prophet Mohammad gave inheritance rights to women. We did not have equal rights for men and women, but the law provided for at least half the share to be given to the wife, the daughter, granddaughter, the mother, or even distant relatives. This would’ve been inconceivable anywhere else in the 7th century. That was one progressive aspect of it.

But the law as written in the holy book of Quran is very different from what is in practice. The world has no time to look at what the Quran says. Muslims all over the world go by what the community dictates, not by Quranic text.

The practice of triple talaq is most un-Islamic, most un-Quranic. Even if it’s single talaq, the result will be the same. What is being objected to, in the name of triple divorce, is the practice of Muslim men unilaterally divorcing their wives without following the procedure laid down in the Quran.

Triple divorce is a misnomer. The problem is unilateral divorce. The divorce laws are very comprehensive, but no one, including the maulavis, is following the religious text. The law is not just being implemented wrong, its interpretation is being completely distorted. The judiciary is the only means to correct this. There is no other way.”

To read more of the interview click this link:
https://www.thequint.com/news/india/to-ban-triple-talaq-stop-talking-about-uniform-civil-code-tahir-mahmood

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RELATED ARTICLES

Sharia (en.wikipedia.org)

What is meaning of triple talaq (quora.com)

To Ban Triple Talaq, We Must Stop Talking About UCC: Tahir Mahmood (thequint.com)

What is ‘triple talaq’ or instant divorce? ( aljazeera.com)

Nikah, Nikahnama and Talaq: Why understanding it is essential by Rana Safvi (shethepeople.tv)

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A Case for Divorce


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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Divorce decree

There are thousands of reasons for requesting a divorce.

There have been cases where either the husband or the wife was found ‘too shy’ to consummate their marriage.

A veiled Sudi woman

Though it may seem bizarre, in a village near the southwestern city of Khamis Mushayt, located east of Abha, in Saudi Arabia, a 50-year-old woman, shrouded forever after the native tradition, requested a divorce after 30 years of marriage.

Why?

Because her husband tried to get a sneak view of her face by lifting her veil as she slept.

We often come across instances like an 83-year-old woman divorcing her 81-year-old husband after 60 years of marriage for having sex with his 30-years-younger mistress at work.

Even a sloppy, slovenly wife “fed up” with a ‘spick-and-span’ husband, cleaning anything and everything all the time, can find a reason for divorcing her husband.

However, the following anecdote I read on the net fascinated me and I thin it is undoubtedly a case for divorce.

Last week was my birthday. When I woke up, my wife did not wish me nor did my children.

I expected my parents to call and wish me. But my phone did not ring.

I went to work and surprisingly not a single colleague wished me.

As I entered my cabin, muttering invectives and silently cursing all, I heard the sweet melodious voice of Jane, my secretary, say, “Happy Birthday Boss!”

Her greeting made me feel special. Elated, I asked her to join me for lunch.

After lunch, Jane coyly said she had a surprise gift for me and invited me to her apartment.

When we entered her apartment Jane made me sit on the comfortable sofa cum bed in the sitting room. She gave me a bewitching smile and winked at me and said, “Relax! Let me freshen up and change into something simple and more comfortable! Be ready for a shock!” She went to her bedroom.

After about ten minutes there was a high-pitched scream from the bedroom. It somewhat sounded like “SURPRISE!

Jane came out wearing a simple nightie, holding a birthday cake in her hands, followed by my wife, my parents, my two children, a few of my friends and my colleagues.

Happy Birthday Cake

And I was sitting there on the sofa… NAKED!

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Disgusting: 40-Year-Old Mother and Her 23-Year-Old Son Produce a Son/Grandson Combo Pack


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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Incest - mother and son

A mother and her son have fallen in love with each other. They intend to get married because the mother is six months pregnant and is expecting her son’s first child.

Betty Mbreko, a 40-year-old widow from Mwenezi in Masvingo, Zimbabwe has shared her bed with her 23-Year-Old Son Farai Mbereko for the past three years. Her husband died 12 years ago. Now, she is pregnant with the seed of her son.

Last week, Betty Mbreko stunned a village court when she said that she did not want to marry any of her late husband’s younger brothers who are coveting her and started the affair with her son three years earlier. She confirmed that she is six months pregnant and intends to marry her son even though the authorities accused their affair as something wrong.

She said that she struggled alone after her husband’s death and spent a lot of money to educate her son and no one helped her; and now that her son is working she felt she had a right to his money than any other woman and wanted the authorities to let her enjoy the rewards of her sweat.

Betty’s late husband had died without paying the lobola, the bride price, to her parents for her hand in marriage. Her son Farai said he was more than ready to marry his mother and pay the lobola his father had left unpaid to his grandparents. He added: “It is better to publicize what is happening because people should know that I am the one who made my mother pregnant. Otherwise, they will accuse her of promiscuity.”

However, Nathan Muputirwa, the local headman said: “We cannot allow this to happen in our village, this is a bad omen indeed. In the past they would have to be killed, but today we cannot do it because we are afraid of the police.” He then warned the mother and son to break off their affair or leave the village immediately.

The incestuous couple chose to leave the village, and now, no one knows their whereabouts.

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An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…


This a re-post of the original article posted on May 13, 2012
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The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker.

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Sharing an email from a father of an Indian daughter.

Dear Indian Homemaker,

After stumbling upon your blog accidentally, I read with interest your post created on May 10, countering the so-called advantages of arranged marriage.

Although I have been happily married for nearly thirty years now, I have seen my own daughter suffer terribly in the arranged marriage system. While some might say that it is our culture, and love marriages are a Western import, I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone who might be considering the idea of simply going along with what everyone is saying, and isn’t following his or her own heart just because he doesn’t want ill to be spoken of his family in society. It is painful for me to write this, but I thought that I must use the internet forum to let people know how the system works.

I am retired with two daughters and a son.

It is my older daughter who has gone through hell on account of this horrible system of in-laws and dowry, and it is her that I want to write about.

About three years ago, my daughter graduated with her masters degree. She has always been extremely hard-working and being from a top college, she secured a well-paying job. Like any father, I was very proud of her and was happy that she was on-track to do very well in life without any help from me at all. The only thing left was to find a good groom for her, we thought, and after that she would be completely settled.

As my daughter had not selected any boy herself, the search began. We went all out. We published ads in papers, asked family friends, looked on matrimonial websites. Eventually, we found a boy, in the same city where my daughter worked a that time. He was from a good, well-settled family which owned a chain of businesses. He was well-spoken, confident and seemed quite modern in his ideas. We were forthright about my daughter being career-oriented and told the boy’s family categorically that she would not leave her job after marriage. We were assured that it was not a problem as the other daughter-in-law was also working and most of the housework was done by maids in any case.

My daughter, docile as always, simply went along and said okay to the proposal after only a few visits.

Within one month, the marriage was finalized and the ceremony was held in 2010.

At this point, we made the mistake of paying out a hefty dowry. It sounds very naive now, but I am being candid with you; I thought this might making things a little easier for our daughter . How could I have known what monstrous characters these people were hiding behind their smiles and laughter?

From the moment my daughter entered the house, these people began plotting to get more. At first, they were nice and gentle, but soon they began to show their true colours. It started with small hints, then moved on to broad hints, taunts, fights and finally, physical assaults.

I had no idea all this was going on. My daughter never told me; I used to call up every week and she told me that all was fine. Then one day, she said that she did not want me to call her anymore. She gave absolutely no reason for this request. It was completely out of character, and I was a little hurt, but reluctantly agreed. In Jun 2011, on her wedding anniversary, to my utter shock, the ceremony was held without us even being invited! By then, I had come to the conclusion that something was definitely very wrong.

I made a surprise visit to my son-in-law’s place. I told their family that I was there on business and had decided to pay them a visit. What I saw at their place made my blood boil over. My confident, beautiful daughter was treated like she was little more than a servant. When I entered, she was rudely told to get some tea, and the same people who had been so bubbly and smiley treated me as if I was a social inferior. I called out to my daughter, refused the tea, and simply stated that I was taking her out to lunch. They tried to protest, but I ignored them. It was only in the car that the whole story came out.

I have already told you the broad incidents, I won’t bore you with gory details. This fiend who called himself a husband not only hit my daughter, but he actually forced himself on her sexually. Imagine! My daughter, who I have NEVER hit till date. My daughter, who I brought up as the apple of my eye. How could this man have the gall to lay his dirty hands on her? How dare this rapist, this creature of filth, force her to bow to his perverted whims and fancies? The poor girl was so traumatized that she could not even cry! It was like talking to a shell, a dry husk of a person. It broke my heart to hear her speak like that.

I took her back to her marital home, told her to pack all essential documents and objects in a bag and come back with me immediately. The boy’s family created a scene of course, but at this time, I was so angry that I did not even look at them, let alone respond to their nonsense.

To cut a long story short, I got my daughter home and helped her file divorce papers and supplementary charges against the boy’s family. Although this terrible chapter is over, I am committed to personally ensuring that this man goes to jail, and isn’t just let off with a fine. I will make sure that he faces the consequences of his sins.

The points raised by the newspaper article (discussed in that post) seem so very shallow to me! It was written by someone who has no idea of ground reality and is floating in the dreams of a yesterday that does not exist.

Let me consider each point:

1. in a negotiated marriage, family support is a given.

What decent parent would not support their own child? And if this parent does not want to support a daughter who had a love marriage, would he support her if her arranged marriage ran into trouble? What is the guarantee?

2.  If the marriage demands the girl to stay with her in-laws, it is more likely that they will make her feel comfortable as they have already ‘approved’ of her.

As you can judge from my story, the ‘approval’ is only skin-deep. There is no guarantee that these in-laws will ‘approve’ afterwards too. And because enough time is not usually provided, who knows what the in-laws are actually like? Serial killers can also seem very pleasant under normal circumstances, but they will show their true colours only after a certain time.

3. The process … involves understanding each other’s cultural interests apart from individual views and opinions about life in general.

Complete rubbish. The process only involves ticking off certain features, as if one was buying a car. This is not a feature of arranged marriage at all.

4.  Unlike a love marriage where financial security of the groom is not always a priority, in an arranged marriage, it is imperative that the bride’s family ensure that their would-be son-in-law is career-oriented and has a steady flow of income.

If financial security is not a priority for the couple, then how is it important in any case? If it is a priority, then the couple will ensure it.

5.  Each day is a surprise wherein the couple learn about the nitty gritty of the relationship and also take an effort to nurture it.

But are all surprises pleasant? Some things should not be a surprise. There are things that one must know well about one’s husband beforehand.

6. Once the alliance is arranged, the boy and girl are officially allowed to meet and know more about each other

I do not understand what this means. Are the girl and boy not allowed to meet otherwise? If not, then how will they get married in any case?

7. Ever heard of Swayamvar, an ancient Indian practice of choosing a husband from among a list of suitors?

Do all ‘Swayamvars’ turn out blissfully?

8. Since both the parties are way too involved in finding the right match and also the actual activity of marriage, it takes the load off the bride-to-be and gives her time to get comfortable in her new surroundings.

I can only laugh at this, seeing how things have gone with my own daughter.

I hope I’ve not made this overly long. I really wanted to share it, and I hope your find it useful.

Regards,

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Re-posted from The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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Her Grandmother’s Secret for a Long-lasting Marriage: Crochet Dolls


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Myself . By T.V. Antony Raj

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old-couple

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They got married 55 years ago, but had no issues. All their friends and relatives saw in them the happiest couple they ever came across in their life. Everyone vied to emulate them.

It was a hearsay that the secret for their long-lasting marriage was the old couple kept no secrets from each other.

A year ago, the old man died after a severe heart attack. The old woman fell ill and was bedridden. The doctors diagnosed her for cancer and numbered the days she had still to live. The young nurse who looked after the old woman was a very kind and caring person. Since the old woman did not have any children she felt a motherly love for the young nurse.

Shoebox with money

One day while two doctors were examining the old woman at her home she asked the young nurse to open her closet and fetch the shoebox. The nurse brought the dilapidated shoebox. She then asked the young nurse to open the box. There were three crocheted dolls and wads of hard cash totaling around $30,000 in it. The old woman told the nurse to have the shoebox as a gift for looking after her like a devoted daughter.

Old woman csrochetting

The old woman said: “You all think that the secret for our long-lasting marriage was that we kept no secrets from each other. It is true. However, the real secret is in this shoebox that I have had on the top rack of my closet. I asked my husband to promise me that he would never open the shoebox nor discuss it. As a gentleman he kept his promise until his death.”

Then she continued: “A week after we got married my husband and I quarrelled over some unimportant matter. My grandmother who came to know about it from my mother admonished me and gave me the recipe for a happy marriage: ‘Never argue.’ She then told me that if I ever got angry with my husband, I should crochet a doll to keep myself quiet.”

“Since there are only three dolls in the box, does it mean you had been angry with him only thrice in all those 55 years of living and loving?” asked the nurse.

The old woman gave a wicked smile and said: “Oh no! From where do you think those dollars came from? These dolls are the last three I couldn’t sell.”

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
I pray for Love to forgive him;
I pray for Patience to bear his moods;
I do not pray for Strength O Lord,
Because I do not want to beat him to death.

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Extravagance at Marriages – An Austerity Lesson from ‘Soliga’ Community


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By Ramya BN

Published in Mangalorean.com on March 22, 2012

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As the marriage season approaches in April and May, a bride’s father’s pocket gets drained day by day shopping and making arrangements. Doesn’t it?

In the modern society, lakhs and lakhs of rupees are spent on marriages – on clothing, jewellery, food arrangements and the like. Most of all, lakhs need to be spent on the marriage hall just for a day or two.

But, in the middle of all this, what catches one’s attention is a unique ritual followed in the ‘Soliga’ tribe in Karnataka, where they spend just 12 rupees and 25 paise for a marriage. Something out of this world in the 21st century, where a sum of Rs 12 and paise 25 cannot even fetch a bouquet, leaving alone the fact that 25 paise coin has been de-recognized by the Reserve Bank of India.

Photo: mangalorean.com
Photo: mangalorean.com
Photo: mangalorean.com

The Soliga community  is a tribe which inhabits the Biligiri Ranga and the adjacent hill ranges in southern Karnataka, most prominently in Chamarajanagar district. They are segregated into 82 different ‘podu’ (villages). It is said that there are 82 podu  in Kollegal, 40 podu in Gundlupet, 32 podu in Chamarajanagar and 10 podu in Yellandur Taluk. Most of them are concentrated in and around the the BR Hills in Yelandur and Kollegal taluks of Chamarajanagar. Their population numbers close 46,000 in the state.

Basavaraju, a Soliga, explained the unique way of marriage rituals followed in the community, saying that the bride is chosen during a dance performance. If any girl likes any boy in the dancing troupe, she can throw a stone and he will approach her, and if both wish to marry they will go to the forest and stay there for 8 days. When they return, the podu (village) head will administer an oath to them, whereby they vow to live together. The bride will pay rupees 12.25 to the community as ‘thera’ (as a fine) and marry.

He said that even now the same rituals are followed, but as an influence of modernization, the stone is replaced by a banana or biscuit and instead of forest they go to their relatives’ house in the podu.

The story behind 12 rupees and 25 paise sounds interesting. It is believed that in the early years, Soliga Bommegowda and Rangamma couple had 7 daughters. Among them, the youngest one, Kusumaledevi, was the most beautiful daughter among the entire tribe.

They used to go digging mud in search of sweet potato, which was then the staple food for the tribal people. Once when Kusumaledevi went with her sisters in search of sweet potato, Lord Biligiri Ranga was impressed by Kusumaledevi’s beauty and wanted to marry her.

So to speak to Kusumaledevi, with his magical powers he made all her sisters get more sweet potato and return home.  Kusumaledevi was made to stay back, still digging for sweet potato. When she was alone after her sisters had left, again with his magical powers, he made her get more sweet potato so that she was not able to lift it on her head.

When she screamed for help the Lord appeared in front of her disguised as an old man and promised to help her if she agreed to marry him. She thought that the old man was saying so for fun and she agreed. As he helped her lift the sack, he showed his real face and she also fell in love with him.

However, not having enough courage to seek her parents’ approval, they went and stayed in the forest for eight days and came back. Lord Biligiriranga Swamy gave diamonds and gold to Kusumaledevi’s father Bommegowda as penalty for taking her without his consent. An enraged Bommegowda pushed it aside, but Kusumaledevi’s mother grasped it in the ‘pallu’ of her sari and prevented it from falling down. A sum of 12.25 annas (old coins) fell into her ‘pallu’ which are now accounted for as 12 rupees and 25 paise.

From then on the ritual has been followed in the Soliga community. With a firm belief that Kusumadevi as tribe’s common sister and to celebrate the happiness of her marriage with Lord Biligiri Ranga, they dance for the appeasement of community deities like Jadeyappa, Ketappa, Dodasampige and others.

They also dance and celebrate ‘Rotti habba’ during ‘Suggi’, once in a year, in the month of March or April.

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Re-posted from Mangalorean.com

My Wife Doesn’t Work!


Myself

By T. V. Antony Raj

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Housewife.

Brent went to see his doctor.

Doctor: How are you?

Brent: I feel tired working all the time.

Doctor: Where do you work?

Brent: I am an accountant in a bank.

Doctor: Your Wife?

Brent: She doesn’t work. She just stays at home. I am the sole provider.

Doctor: What does she do at home?

Brent: She cooks and cleans the house because she doesn’t work.

Doctor: Can’t she find work?

Brent: She can’t even write her own résumé!

Doctor: Has she not studied?

Brent: She has. But not enough.

Doctor: Why don’t you ask her to join some finishing school?

Brent: I want her to, but she’s confused.

Doctor: Why?

Brent: It’s seven years since we got married. We have a five-year-old son, but we want one more child, and she is getting old.

Doctor: So why don’t you have the next child?

Brent: Both of us are a bit confused in this matter.

Doctor: Why are you both confused?

Brent: Even yesterday she asked me what I would like her to do: go to work, go to school, or bear a second child?

Doctor: What did you say?

Brent: I told her to do all three.

Doctor: What did she say?

Brent: She is adamant and says how can she do all three when she cannot do any two at the same time.

Doctor: Isn’t she right?

Brent: No. She doesn’t want to work. She just wants to stay at home.

Doctor: Who prepares breakfast for the family?

Brent: My wife of course, because she doesn’t work.

Doctor: At what time does your wife wake up in the morning?

Brent: Around 5 AM, I guess.

Doctor: Why does she wake up so early?

Brent: Because she cleans the house first before preparing breakfast.

Doctor: Who takes your son to school?

Brent: My wife does.

Doctor: Why don’t you take your son to school?

Brent: Because she doesn’t work.

Doctor: What does your wife do after leaving the child in school?

Brent: She goes to the market to buy necessary things for the house.

Doctor: And then what does she do?

Brent: She comes home and cooks.

Doctor: Who does the laundry?

Brent: My wife of course, because she doesn’t work.

Doctor: Who does the gardening?

Brent: My wife of course, because she doesn’t work.

Doctor: In the evening, after you return home from work, what do you do?

Brent: I take a complete rest after working all day at my office.

Doctor: What does your wife do when you are resting?

Brent: She prepares dinner.

Doctor: After dinner what does she do?

Brent: She washes the dishes.

Doctor: And then what does she do?

Brent: She reads bedtime stories to my son before he sleeps.

Doctor: Why don’t you read bedtime stories to your son instead of your wife?

Brent: Why should I? My wife doesn’t work!

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The Couple Who Never Fought During Their 25 Years of Marriage


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Myself . By T.V. Antony Raj

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Shiloh Shepherd pup

A couple never fought during their 25 years of marriage. Their friends and neighbors envied them, but none dared to ask them the secret of their happy married life.

Eventually, Ben, a close friend of the couple coaxed the husband to reveal their secret when his wife was not around. The husband relented.

“Do you remember my dad’s pet Bongso, the Shiloh Shepherd?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Two days after we returned from our honeymoon my dad brought Bongso to our house and asked us to look after him until he returned from his business trip. As soon as my dad left, Bongso started barking at my wife. My wife did not like the dog’s attitude. She said: ‘this is your first time’, and walked out of the room.”

“Then what happened,” asked Ben.

“My wife thought the dog was hungry. She brought some biscuits from the kitchen and placed it before Bongso.”

“Did the dog eat the biscuits?”

“He did not. Instead, he started barking at her once again. My wife’s face darkened. She shouted at the dog: ‘this is your second time’, and she left the room.”

“And then …”

“After about 15 minutes she returned to the room. When the dog saw her, it started barking at her once again. My wife was furious. She hurried back to the bedroom and came out holding my hunting rifle in her hand. She loaded the gun took aim and shot the dog saying ‘there is no third time for you’.”

“Oh my God,” gasped Ben. “What did you do?” he asked the husband.

“I shouted at her: ‘You PSYCHO you killed the dog!'”

“What did your wife say?” Ben asked.

“She stared at me and said: ‘this is your first time!’ After that I never dared to raise my voice, and our life has been rosy since then!”

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Delhi HC: Having Sex on the False Promise of Marriage Is Rape


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Myself . 

By T.V. Antony Raj

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Yashmak

Following a complaint lodged by a widow, the Police arrested Firoz Ahmed under IPC sections 376 (rape) and 506 (criminal intimidation). Firoz had consensual sex with the woman after promising her that he would marry her.

Earlier, the trial judge had dismissed Ahmed’s bail application, citing Firoz had obtained the woman’s consent under the pretext of marriage though he never intended to  marrying her.

Justice Kailash Gambhir of the Delhi High Court agreed with the view of the trial judge. He dismissed the anticipatory bail application of Firoz Ahmed since the offence fell under IPC section 375(4), which states that consent for sex obtained under a false pretext also amounts to a rape he upheld the prosecution’s argument that Firoz Ahmed did not deserve a bail.

“Premarital Sex Anyone?” by Nirav Karani


Nirav Karani

By Nirav Karani

It is funny how people talk about wanting to sleep with just one person in their whole life and how they want to do this sacrosanct act with that special person only. Yes, it sounds very beautiful to say and all that, but I wonder exactly how much love is there between a couple having sex on their wedding night having met about four and a half times before that (Sitting silently amongst ten family members of either side doesn’t really count, but I’m giving it a half). So if you’re pervert enough to do it on the first opportunity once you’ve been ‘certified’ by the society, why the hypocrisy? Of course, it isn’t a social obligation to fornicate once you’re married, is it? Maybe there is a no-hymen clause in one of the post marriage rituals. I don’t know.

How about a couple that have been going around for say, more than a year? Chances that they are in love, that they know each other a little better, that the act – if they do it – will be more meaningful, are at least a tad more, don’t you think?

Maybe age is a factor, you might say. College students are just naïve; they don’t have an inkling what real love is really about. My grandmother’s brother was married before his 15th birthday. Not much more than a year later, he was pacing down the hospital corridor before he got the good news and started jumping with joy, hugging everyone in sight. Ha! Quite a spectacle it is to imagine that! Of course, people used to get married that early those days and that was the norm. Now people want to study and earn and be ‘settled’ before take the vows. Unfortunately, their hormones are not quite attuned with the new arrangement.

Having said all this, I must mention that I’m not trying to glorify sex at all. Not for one moment. It’s a beautiful act, no doubt. But for all those who claim that it is our very basic instinct, I am afraid there is a wake-up call lurking somewhere. Lust is indeed one of the lower ways in which our energy manifests itself. After all, one can fuck only so many times. And let’s face it, it cannot be a source of lasting happiness.

And lest you think this is some sort of philosophical shit, believe me, I am speaking from experience. Of course, my virginity variable is firmly set to one and there are no indications that that is going to change anytime soon. Yes, poor me! (Programming does get into your head, doesn’t it? Besides, I think a part of me thinks it’s almost fashionable to exhibit geekiness. You think?) But just because I haven’t played the real match, it doesn’t mean that I don’t do net practice either. And honestly, my experiences in meditation have been much more gratifying.

Anyway, I still question the hype, and a sense of mystery, even guilt, and most of all, the hypocrisy surrounding – to quote Sheldon Cooper – ‘the messy, unsanitary act that involves loud and unnecessary appeals to the deity’.

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