Tag Archives: Grandparent

Taking Care of an Aging Parent


Myself 

By T. V. Antony Raj

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A young man lived with his wife, his four-year-old son and his frail elderly father – a widower with blurry eyes,  trembling hands, and faltering steps.

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The family would eat together at the dining table. The elderly person’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult for him. Often, food fell off his spoon and dropped on the floor, and as he clutched his glass of milk with unsteady hands, milk spilled on the tablecloth and his lap.

The daughter-in-law irritated with the mess he created bawled out. “I have had enough of his spilling food and milk on the table and the floor. You must do something about your father,” she told her husband.

So, the son set a small table at the corner of the dining room. Since the elderly man had broken a number of ceramic dishes, the daughter-in-law served his food in wooden bowls.

The four-year-old boy watched his grandfather eat alone silently at the little table while he and his parents ate at the grand dining table. Sometimes he saw tears rolling down his grandfather’s cheeks whenever his parents admonished him for dropping his spoon, spilling food, milk, or water.

One evening, before supper, the father noticed his little son playing with wood scraps and strings.

“What are you making, son?” he asked.

“Oh, Dad, I’m making two little wooden bowls,” the boy replied.

“Bowls?”

“Yes.”

“What for?”

“For you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up.”

The boy’s parents were speechless.

The four-year-old smiled sweetly at his parents and went back to work. He did not see the tears that streamed down their cheeks.

That evening, the boy smiled as his father and mother led the venerable parent back to the grand dining table.

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“I wanted to follow you but, uh, no …” by Russel Ray


Contrary to the title, “I wanted to follow you, but uh, no …” the author, Russel Ray, visits my website regularly. Impressed by his writing I reblogged this post on July 12th on this site, and I am re-posting it now. – T.V. Antony Raj

My wise old grandmother

Pictures copyright 2012 Russel Ray Photos

Unknown flowerDear New Follower:

First, let me thank you for following me. I appreciate it.

Now for the more serious stuff….

I decided that I could not follow you. Please, let me explain.

I’m an easygoing Southern boy born and raised in Texas. My paternal grandparents adopted me when I was a couple of months shy of 11. I understand profanity…. four-letter words.

Angel's trumpetMy granddad used them as verbs, adverbs, nouns, pronouns, adjectives, prepositions, conjunctions, interjections, abbreviations, exclamations, questions, complete sentences, incomplete sentences, names of people….

My wise old grandmother, on the other hand, let granddad use enough profanity for both of them. I only heard my wise old grandmother use profanity once. She wouldn’t let me do something that I wanted to do. I was furious and said, “God damn you.” She was only 5’1″ and I was a towering 6’3″. She took me down with a good right that would make Muhammad Ali proud. Then she said softly, “Don’t damn me, damn you.”

Unknown flower[Make note because this will probably be the only time you ever see profanity in my blog.]

She let me cry for five minutes, as she always did when I was punished, always with a whipping, though, never before with a right hook.

[Do parents spank their children anymore, or is that child abuse?]

Then she took me to the bathroom, drew some warm water, wet a washrag, and cleaned my face of the salty tears, dried me, and told me she loved me. She also told me what would happen the next time I used profanity or the Lord’s name in vain.

Aloe growing in La Mesa, California, January 24, 2012Love and discipline.

[Do parents discipline their children anymore, or just give them an iPod or iPad?]

So, dear New Follower, I wanted to follow you, I really did. My wise old grandmother taught me to do unto others as they have already done unto me…. Wait! No she didn’t. I taught me that. You followed me so I was going to follow you.

When I got to your blog, though, I found that the title was an absolutely horrible title and I left immediately without even looking around. I felt bad about that, so I returned just a few minutes later. I read your home page and one post. It was no better. I left again, and I won’t be returning.

I’m sorry. I really am, but I simply cannot bring myself to follow you. Every time you publish a new post, I would get an email telling me that “New Follower with a poor choice of words for the blog name” has a new post. I already saw that the titles of your posts are just as bad as the name of your blog.

PassionflowerI consider your choice of words to be very negative, and I’ve already had enough negative people in my life. At the age of 57, I surround myself only with positive people.

My wise old grandmother taught me the beauty of the English language with its million words. She also taught me how cruel, mean, and nasty abuse of the English language can be.

I prefer beauty.

Aesop, the ancient storyteller, told this fable:

Daffodil in La Mesa, California, on January 23, 2012Once upon a time, a donkey found a lion’s skin. He tried it on, strutted around, and frightened many animals. Soon a fox came along, and the donkey tried to scare him, too. But the fox, hearing the donkey’s voice, said, “If you want to terrify me, you’ll have to disguise your bray.”

Moral: Clothes may disguise a fool but his words give him away.

Said another way: Profanity is a public announcement of stupidity.

Unknown flower in La Mesa, California, on January 23, 2012Those might sound cruel and uncaring, but you appear to be young. Not like teaching an old dog new tricks. You have a choice. I would encourage you to be beautiful. Maybe too many people have already told you that. Let me in line.

I don’t know anything about you, but I think you have the potential to be a very beautiful person. I believe that about everyone on Earth, all seven billion of them. It’s potential, though. What you do with that potential is up to you.

Every time you want to use profanity, stop and think of a better way to say what you want to say. There are over a million words in the English language, and there are dictionaries and thesaureses to help you in your struggle.

Giant hibiscus and guestMaybe some of my favorite four-letter words can help in your struggle:

  1. Love
  2. Free
  3. Help
  4. Pray
  5. Give
  6. Work
  7. Good
  8. Best
  9. Save
  10. Purple irisHope
  11. Nice
  12. Kind
  13. Glad
  14. Live
  15. Life
  16. Glow
  17. Amen
  18. True
  19. Luck
  20. Purple flowerGift
  21. Calm
  22. Holy
  23. Cure
  24. Kiss
  25. Hugs

If you’re reading this, let me know if you change the name of your blog and perhaps I’ll give it another shot at following you. Until then, good luck in finding your place in the world. I hope you find it because I can see that you are searching.

I want only the best for you, and I apologize if I appear to be judgmental. I simply wanted to let you know why I chose not to follow you. We all have to make our choices, and I hope you’ll choose to be like the unopened flower bud and use your potential in a more positive way. The reach of the Internet allows us to influence many people, but that can be good or bad, depending on you and only you.

Best wishes for health, happiness, peace, and prosperity.

Unknown flower in La Mesa, California, on January 23, 2012

Pictures copyright 2012 Russel Ray Photos

I'm Zoey the Cool Cat, and I approve this post

Pictures copyright 2012 Russel Ray Photos

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Pictures copyright 2012 Russel Ray Photos

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Re-posted  – ” I wanted to follow you but, uh, no.”

Caring for Aging Parents


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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A frail old widower, lived with his son, his daughter-in-law, and his four-year-old grandson. His eyes were blurry, his hands trembled, and his step faltered.

.

The family would eat together at the dinner table. But the elderly person’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult for him. Food fell off his spoon, dropping on the floor. When he grasped his glass the milk often spilled on the tablecloth and his lap.

The son and the daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess he created.

“We must do something about my father,” said the son.

“I have had enough of his spilling food and milk on the table and the floor,” the daughter-in-law said.

So, the couple set a small table at the corner of the dining room. There the old man ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed their dinner at the dinner table. Since the old man had broken a number of ceramic dishes, his food was served in wooden bowls.

The four-year-old boy watched it all in silence. Sometimes the grandson saw, tears rolling down his grandfather’s cheeks as he ate alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for the old man were sharp admonitions when he dropped a spoon or spilled food.

One evening, before supper, the father noticed his little son playing with wood scraps and strings.

He asked, “What are you making, son?”

The boy replied, “Oh, I’m making two little wooden bowls.”

“Bowls?”

The little boy replied, “Yes. Bowls for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up.”

The boy’s parents were speechless.

The four-year-old smiled sweetly at them and went back to work.

Tears streamed down their cheeks. Though no words were spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening, the son and daughter-in-law gently led the old man back to the family table while the grandson smiled.

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Source: Advice on Caring for Aging Parents

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I took a sad goodbye today


Kristin,

You have written an eloquent eulogy for your grandfather. I too am a grandfather – 70 years old now. So, I pray to God that my grandchildren too should write about me like you have written about yours.

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marteandkristin

I had to take a sad goodbye today. I woke up to the message that my grandad was dead. It wasn’t coming like a big suprise, he was 90 years old, had not eat, just been sleeping the last days. But still, it’s impossible to prepare for a loss of a person who means a lot to you.  He was soo funny, nice, caring and wise. He had always a comment ready, and he kept his humor until the last days. But he was tired, and the body was not with him anymore. He spent his last year or two at a nursinghome, were he was very good taken care of.

It’s very sad and empty now, but in a natural way. There are a few things everyone have to go through, to be born, and to die. It is the circle of life. I read this a few months ago…

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