Tag Archives: Garden of Eden

A Few Trivia from the Bible


.

Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

.

Just for Laughs!

.

The Holy Bible

Question: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:23-24)?
Answer: They were really put out.

Question: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Answer: “Your mother ate us out of house and home”  for it says in Genesis 3:6
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” (New International Version ©2011)

Question: What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
Answer: They really raised Cain.

Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah — he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Question: The ark was built in 3 stories. The top one had a window to let in light. How did the bottom two stories get light?
Answer: They used floodlights.

Question: Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
Answer: He only had two worms.

Question: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
Answer: Because Noah sat on the deck

Question: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Question: Why did Moses and his followers wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer: They didn’t want to ask directions.

Question: Which of Yahweh’s servants was the Bible’s most shameless lawbreaker?
Answer: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Question: Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy?
Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.

Question: Which Bible character had no parents?
Answer: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson — he brought the house down (Judges 16:30).

Question: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Answer: Ruth-less.

Question: Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: David – he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Question: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
Answer: The thought had never entered his head before.

Question: Did King David ride a motorcycle?
Answer: Yes. David’s Triumph could be heard throughout the land.

Question: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Answer: Nebuchadnezzar — he was on grass for seven years.

Question: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Answer: Because Job said: “All was well with me, but he shattered me; he seized me by the neck and crushed me. He has made me his target” (Job 16:12 – New
International Version ©2011)

Question: In what vehicle did the appostles travel on the day of Pentecost?
Answer: Honda Accord. “And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.” (Acts 2:1 – King James 2000 Bible ©2003)

Question: What vehicle would have been used by the apostles as described in 2 Corinthians 4:8, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but
not in despair;” (New International Version ©2011)
Answer: Volkswagen Bug.

.

Add this anywhere

Advertisements

The cutest story ever told …


Reproduced from pastor mike says

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one’, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.

Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbour’s stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humour thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. [I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, ‘Close the door! Were you born in a barn?’ It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’]

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

———————————————————————————————-

About PastorMikeSays!
An Ordained Non-Denominational Pastor who prefers to minister to the world over being too caught up in Theocracy.

Add this anywhere

Enhanced by Zemanta