Tag Archives: English

The British English Slang: Q to Z


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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British English Slang Q to Z

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.Q

Queer as a clockwork orange: Very odd indeed; ostentatiously homosexual.

Queer Street: A difficult or odd situation, e.g. “up Queer Street”.

Queer someone’s pitch: Take the pitch of another street vendor, busker or similar; spoil someone else’s efforts.

Quim: Vagina (possibly a play on the Welsh word for valley, cwm).

R

Rat arsed: Drunk, sloshed; plastered; loaded.

Richard the Third: A piece of excrement (rhyming slang Richard the Third = turd).

Ring: Anal sphincter.

Ringburner: A curry; diarrhoea; painful defecation.

Roger: To copulate; to screw; to have your wicked way with a lady.

Rozzer: Policeman.

Rubber Johnny: Condom.

Rumpy pumpy: A phrase used as a euphemism for sexual intercourse.

S

Savvy (from the French, savoir): Knowledge; understanding.

Scally, scallywag: A hooligan youth.

Scarper: Run away.

Scouser: A person from Liverpool.

Scrote: Term of abuse, from scrotum.

Scrubber: A promiscuous woman (in Britain); a common or working class woman (in Ireland).

Scrummy: A word used to describe some food that was particularly good, and probably sweet and fattening.

Scrump: To steal fruit, especially apples.

See a man about a dog: What a person would say as an excuse for leaving, to hide their real destination, to attend a secret deal or meeting. This phrase is also used to excuse oneself to go to the toilet to shit.

Shag: Sexual intercourse.

Shagged: The past historic of shag; extremely tired, e.g. “shagged out”.

Shambolic: A state of chaos.

Shiner: Black eye.

Shitehawk: Someone of little worth.

Shit-faced: Drunk.

Shirty: Ill-tempered, insolent.

Shufti: To take a look at something. An old Arabic word, picked up by British soldiers during World War II, in North Africa.

Sixes and sevens: In a mess; topsy turvy; somewhat haywire!

Skanky: Dirty, particularly of a marijuana pipe.

Skew-whiff: Crooked.

Skint: Without money.

Skive: a lazy character; a useless person; avoid doing something.

Slag: Worthless or insignificant person; a promiscuous woman; a prostitute.

Slag off: A verbal attack; to criticise or slander; to bad mouth in a nasty manner.

Slap-head: A bald man.

Slap and tickle: making out or heavy petting.

Slapper: An oversexed female; a tart; a tramp; promiscuous woman; prostitute.

Slash: Urinate; urination; pee; piss; piddle; siphon the python; shake the snake; wee; having a jimmy.

Sling one’s hook: Go away.

Sloshed: Drunk; plastered.

Smarmy: A smoothy, who has a way with the ladies.

Snog: French kiss; any prolonged physical intimacy without undressing or sexual contact.

Snookered: Placed in a bad situation.

Sod: Annoying person or thing (derived from sodomite).

Sod off: Piss off; go away.

Spawny: Lucky.

Spend a penny: Use the restroom.

Spunk: Semen; ejaculate; courage; bravery.

Stag Night: Bachelor Party

Starkers: Fully naked.

Steaming: Extremely drunk; extremely angry.

Stonker: A boner.

Strawberry creams: Breasts.

Stuffed: Sexual intercourse, e.g. “get stuffed”; used negatively to mean bothered, e.g. “I can’t be stuffed to do that!”; having a full belly, e.g. “I am completely stuffed, and can’t eat another thing.”

T

Tad: A little bit.

Take the mickey: To tease; to mock.

Take the piss (out of), taking the piss: Messing and screwing around; making fun of; to mock.

Tart: A prostitute; a term of abuse for a woman; used affectionately for a lover; shortened version of sweetheart.

Tickety-Boo: Phrase that means everything is going well.

Todger: Dick.

Toff: A person belonging to the upper class; a posh person.

Ton: A large unspecified amount (18th century); £100 (1940s); 100 MPH (1950s); any unit of 100 (1960s), e.g. a century scored in cricket.

Tosh: total bullshit, nonsense or rubbish.

Tosser: Idiot; a derogatory term for a male masturbator; an affectionate form of address, e.g. “All right you old tosser!”.

Tosspot: Drunkard; habitual drinker.

Tube: The London Underground (19th century. Originally ‘Tuppeny tube’); Penis; a person (Scottish); a general term of contempt (Irish, 1950s).

Twat: Vagina; a term of abuse; to hit hard.

Twig and berries: male genitalia, the penis and balls.

U

Up for it: Willing to have sex.

Up The Duff: Pregnant.

W

Wacky backy: marijuana.

Wag off: Skyve; play truant.

Wank: Masturbation; to masturbate; inferior.

Wanker: Masturbator; Idiot; abusive term for someone the speaker doesn’t like.

Wankered: Very drunk; exhausted.

Wanking spanner: Hand.

Warts and all: Including all negative characteristics.

Wazzock: Stupid.

Whinge: Whine.

Whizz: Urination; to move very fast.

Wicked: Cool!

Willy: Penis (hypocorism).

Willy-waving: Acting in an excessively macho fashion.

Wind up: Tease; irritate; annoy; anger.

Wonky: Not right

Y

Yank: Septic tank.

Z

Zonked: Tired.

 

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The British English Slang: K to P


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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British English Slang K to P

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K

Keep your pecker up: Keep your chin up.

Khazi, karzy, kharsie: A privy; toilet.

Kip: Sleep; nap; bed; lodging; brothel (mainly Irish).

Knackered: Extremely tired; broken; useless.

Knackers: Vulgar name for testicles.

Knees up: A lively party or dance.

Knob: Penis (noun); to have sexual intercourse (verb).

Knob-end: Ttip of penis; an idiot.

Knob Head: Dickhead; an idiot; a stupid; an irritating person.

Knob jockey: Homosexual.

Knock off: To steal it, not to copy it!

Knock up: To wake someone up.

Knockers: Women’s breasts.

Knocking shop: A Brothel.

Know one’s onions: Knowledgeable; to be well acquainted with a subject.

L

Lag: Convict, particularly a long serving one (an old lag).

Lash: Urinate; alcohol.

Lashed: Inebriated.

Laughing gear: Mouth.

Leg it: Run or run for it.

Local: A public house close to one’s home.

Lolly: Money.

Loo: Lavatory.

Lost the plot: Gone crazy; become mentally unstable.

Lurgy: Sick; under the weather.

M

Manky: Dirty; filthy.

Marbles: Wits. As in, to lose one’s marbles.

Mare: A derogatory term for a Woman.

Mark: A suitable victim for a con or swindle.

Mate: Friend; chum.

Matelot: Sailor (derived from the French).

Meat and Two Veg: Euphemism for male genitalia. Also used sometimes to mean something unremarkable or ordinary.

Mental: Crazy; insane.

Mick: A derogatory term for an Irishman.

Miffed: Upset or offended.

Minge: Vagina.

Minger: Someone who smells.

Minted: Wealthy.

Mizzle: Decamp.

Moggy: Cat.

Moke: Donkey.

Monged (out): Severely drunk.

Mooch: Loiter or wander aimlessly; skulk.

Moolah: Money.

Moon: To expose one’s backside.

Moony: Crazy; foolish.

Morish or moreish: Need more!

Muck about: Waste time; interfere with.

Mucker: Mate; pal.

Muck in: Share a duty or workload.

Mufti: An old army term for civilian dress worn by someone who normally wears a military uniform. The word probably derived from the Muslim dress, popularly worn by British officers serving in India during the 19th century. Now commonly used to refer to a non-uniform day in schools.

Mug: Face; a gullible or easily swindled person.

Munta: Ugly person.

Mush: Face or mouth. Example: “shut your mush”.

N

Naff: Inferior or in poor taste.

Nancy boy: looking pathetic.

Nark: In a bad mood; grumpy (an old nark); annoy or irritate; a spy or informant.

Ned: A lout; a drunken brawling fellow; a tough guy. Sometimes equated with the English chav.

News: Looking pathetic; a bit of a Nancy boy.

Nick: Steal; police station or prison; to arrest; health condition, e.g. “to be in good nick”.

Nicked: Stolen; arrested.

Nob: A person of high social standing; head.

Nobble: Disable (particularly a racehorse).

Nod out: To lapse into a drug induced stupor.

Nonce: A prison slang for Sex offender, most commonly a child molester.

Nookie or nooky: Sexual intercourse.

Nose rag: Handkerchief.

Nosh: Food; to eat.

Nosh up: A feast or large, satisfying meal.

Nowt: Nothing.

Numpty: Incompetent or unwise person.

Nut: Head; an eccentric person.

Nutcase: An insane person.

Nuthouse: A lunatic asylum.

Nutmeg: In association football, to pass the ball between an opposing player’s legs.

Nuts or nutty: Crazy or insane.

Nutter: Crazy person; insane person.

O

Odds and sods: Miscellaneous items or articles; bits and pieces. Substitute for ‘odds and ends’.

Oik: A derogatory term for someone of a lower social standing.

Off one’s head or out of one’s head: Mad or delirious.

Off one’s trolley: Mad; out of one’s mind.

Off the hook: Free from obligation or danger.

Off one’s nut: Crazy or foolish.

Off to Bedfordshire: Going to bed.

Old Bill: A policeman or the police collectively.

On the piss: binge drinking to get totally smashed.

On the pull: Looking for sexual intercourse.

One’s head off: Loud or excessively, e.g. “I laughed my head off.”

Owt: Anything.

P

Packet: A large sum of money, e.g. “earn a packet”; a nasty surprise, e.g. “catch a packet”.

Paddy: A fit of temper; a derogatory term for an Irishman.

Paki: A derogatory term for a Pakistani. Sometimes used to loosely describe anyone or anything from the Indian sub- continent.

Paki-bashing: Unprovoked attacks on Pakistanis living in Britain.

Pants: Panties; total crap.

Parky: Cold weather.

Paste: To hit, punch or beat soundly.

Pasting: A sound thrashing or heavy defeat.

Pavement Pizza: A euphemism for puke or vomit.

Peanuts: Cheap.

Pear shaped: Become a disaster.

Peepers: Eyes.

Penny-dreadful: A cheap, sensationalist magazine.

Phiz or phizog: The face (from a 17th-century colloquial shortening of physiognomy).

Pickled: Drunk.

Pie-eyed: Drunk.

Pig’s ear: Cockney slang rhyming with beer; something that has been badly done or has been made a mess of.

Pikey: Pejorative term used, mainly in England to refer to travellers, gypsies or vagrants. Sometimes also used to describe people of lower social class or morals.

Pillock: Stupid or annoying person.

Pinch: Steal; robbery; sail too close to the wind (nautical slang).

Pissed, pissed up: Drunk

Pip pip: An out-dated expression meaning goodbye.

Piss up: A drinking session.

Plastered: Fully drunk.

Plonk: A pejorative word used to describe red wine of poor quality.

Plonker: Something large or substantial; penis.

Porkies: Old Cockney rhyming word for “lies”, derived from “pork pies,” which rhymes with lies.

Potty: A little crazy; looney; one card short of a full deck.

Puff: Fart.

Pukka: Super or smashing.

Pull: Looking for birds.

Punt: To gamble, wager or take a chance; to sell or promote.

Punter: Gambler; a victim in a confidence trick or swindle; a customer, patron or a client of a prostitute.

Pussy: Cat as in “pussy cat”, or in the fairytale, Puss in Boots; female genitalia.

Put a sock in it: Shut up.

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The British English Slang: D to J


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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British English Slang D to J

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D

Daft: Stupid.

Daft cow: A stupid person.

Darbies: Handcuffs.

Debag: To remove another person’s trousers by force.

Dear: Expensive.

Dekko: Look. Derived from Hindi.

Dick: Fellow; penis.

Dicky: Feel sick.

Dip: Pickpocket.

Dishy: Attractive; good looking.

Div: idiot (prison slang)

Do: A party; prosecute.

Do one’s nut: Get angry.

Dobber: Penis.

Doddle: Something simple or easy to do.

Dodgy: Suspicious; something risky, difficult or dangerous.

Dog: A fellow; a rough or unattractive woman.

Dog’s Bollocks: Awesome; extremely good; favorable; great; really fantastic. Sometimes abbreviated to, “it’s the dog’s”.

Dog’s dinner: Make a real mess of something; ugly.

Done up like a kipper: Beaten up; fitted up or framed; caught red-handed by the police.

Donkey’s years: For ages; a very long time. Sometimes abbreviated to, “donkey’s”.

Doofer: An unnamed object.

Dosser: A person who might stay in a dosshouse.

Dosshouse: A cheap boarding house frequented by tramps.

Dressed like a dog’s dinner: Wears clothes inappropriate for the occasion or too formal.

Duck: A term of endearment used in the North of England.

Duff: Useless, junk, trash; broken, not working; pregnant (up the duff).

Duffer: A useless person.

E

Earwig: To eavesdrop.

Eating irons: Cutlery.

End away: To have sex.

F

Fag: Cigarette.

Fag end: The used stub of a cigarette, and by extension the unpleasant and worthless loose end of any situation.

Fanny: Vagina; a woman’s front bits; female external genitalia; a woman’s pudendum.

Fanny Adams: Nothing at all. A euphemism for fuck all. Usually preceded by ‘sweet’ and often abbreviated to F.A., S.F.A. or sweet F.A.

Fanny around: Procrastinate.

Fence: A person who deals in stolen property.

Fiddle sticks: A swear word.

Filch: To steal or pilfer.

Filth (the): The police (derogatory).

Fit: Hot or sexually desirable.

Fit up: A frame up.

Flasher: A person who exposes oneself indecently.

Flick: The cinema; motion picture; film.

Flog: To sell.

Flog a dead horse: Try to find a solution to an unsolvable problem; to continue talking about a long forgotten topic.

Flutter: To place a wager, usually a small one by someone who is not a serious gambler.

Fly: Clever; quick witted.

Fork out: To pay out, usually with some reluctance.

French letter: Condom.

Frig: To masturbate.

Frig around or frig about: To behave aimlessly or foolishly.

Frigging: The act of masturbating; used as an intensifier, e.g. “You frigging idiot”. Considered milder than ‘fucking idiot’.

Frog: A derogatory term for a Frenchman.

Fruity: Frisky.

Fuck all: Nothing at all

Full of beans: To have loads of energy.

Fuzz (the): The police.

G

Gaff: House or flat.

Gaffer: Employer; boss; foreman.

Gagging: Desperate; not nice.

Gallivanting: Fooling around; horseplay.

Gander: To look around. Usually preceded by ‘have a’ or ‘take a’.

Gash: Surplus to requirements, unnecessary; a derogatory term used for female genitalia.

Gassed: Drunk.

Geezer: An old man.

Gen: Information.

Gen up: Do research; get some information.

Git: Incompetent; stupid; annoying; childish person.

Give you a bell: Call you.

Go down: To go to prison.

Go spare: To become angry; frustrated; distressed; enraged.

Gob: Mouth; spittle; to spit.

Gobby: Opinionated.

Gobshite: A stupid or despicable person.

Gobsmacked: Amazed; awed; flabbergasted; dumbfounded; astounded; speechless.

Gogglebox: Television.

Gong: A medal. Usually a military one.

Goolies: The male genitals and in particular the testicles.

Gormless: Clueless.

Grot: Rubbish or dirt.

Grub: Food.

Guff: Ridiculous talk; nonsense; flatulence.

Gutted: Really upset.

H

Half-inch: To steal. Rhyming slang for ‘pinch’.

Hampton: Penis.

Hampton Rock: Rhyming slang for ‘Cock’.

Hampton Wick: Rhyming slang for ‘Prick’.

Handbags: A harmless fight, especially between two women.

Hard cheese: Bad luck.

Helmet: The glans of the penis.

Hen Party: Bachelorette Party

Her Majesty’s Pleasure: Incarcerated; to be put in prison with no release date!

Honk: Vomit.

Hook: To steal.

Hook it: To run away quickly.

Hooky or hookey: Something that is stolen. Loosely used to describe anything illegal.

Hooter: Nose.

Horses for courses: Won’t work for someone else

How is Your Father?”: Euphemism for sexual intercourse or other sexual activity. Read my article “How is your father?

Hump: To carry or heave; have sex.

Hunky-dory: Excellent; cool and groovy; going according to plan; no worries; going well.

I

Idiot box: Television.

Inside: In or into prison.

It’s Monkeys Outside!: It’s very cold outside!

Ivories: Teeth; the keys of a piano; dice.

J

Jacksy or jacksie: The buttocks or anus.

Jack the lad: A young man regarded as a show off and is brash or loud.

Jack up: Inject an illegal drug.

Jag: A drug taking, or sometimes drinking, binge; a period of uncontrolled activity.

Jammy: Lucky; flukey; pleasant; desirable.

Jerry: A chamber pot; a German; a German soldier.

Jessie: An effeminate man; one that is weak or afraid.

Jism or jissom: Semen.

Jock: Word or term of address for a Scot.

Joe Bloggs: An average, typical or unremarkable man.

Joe Soap: An idiot; stooge; scapegoat.

Johnny or Johnny bag: Condom.

John Thomas: Penis.

Josser: A simpleton.

Jump: Sexual intercourse.

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The British English Slang: A to C


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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj

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British English Slang A to C

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A

Absobloodylootely: Yes!

Ace: Awesome.

Aggro: Short for aggravation; trouble.

All mouth and (no) trousers: All talk and no action; a braggart; sexual bravado. (The inclusion or otherwise of “no” in the expression is disputed.)

All piss and wind: Only talk and no action. Originally the19th century phrase was, “all wind and piss”.

All to cock (or all a-cock): Unsatisfactory; mixed up.

Argy-bargy: An argument; confrontation.

Arse: The buttocks; someone who acts in a manner which is incompetent or otherwise disapproved of.

Arse about face: Doing something back to front.

Arse around: Mess around; or waste time.

Arse bandit: A derogatory term homosexual.

Arse over elbow: Head over heels.

Arse over tit: Head over heels; to fall over or take a tumble; embarrassing fall; to topple over. (Another version of arse over elbow, but a bit more graphic!)

Arsehole: The anus (a general derogatory term).

B

Baccy: tobacco, the sort you use to roll your own.

Ball bag: Scrotum.

Balls up: A bungled or messed up situation. (WWI Service slang)

Bang: Having sex.

Bang to rights: Caught in the act.

Bang up: To lock up in prison (prison slang); to inject an illegal drug.

Barmy: Crazy; nsane; a derogatory remark.

Barney: A noisy quarrel or fight

Bee’s Knees: Awesome.

Bellend: The end part of a penis.

Belt up: Shut up.

Bender: A derogatory term for a homosexual; a pub crawl; a heavy drinking session.

Bent: A dishonest or corrupt person; homosexual (mildly derogatory).

Bent as a nine bob note: Extremely dishonest or corrupt. A shilling (bob) note never existed and would therefore have to be counterfeit.

Berk: An idiot; stupid person.

Bespoke: Custom Made.

Best of British: Good luck, short for “best of British luck”.

Biggie: Term a child might use for his poo; an erection.

Bird: Girl; woman; jail time.

Birmingham screwdriver: A hammer.

Bizzie: Policeman (Scouse / Liverpool English).

Bladdered: Drunk.

Blag: A robbery (noun); to rob (verb).

Blague: Talking nonsense.

Blah (or blah blah): Worthless, boring or silly talk.

Blighty (or Old Blighty): Britain; home. Used especially by British troops serving abroad or expatriates.A relic of British India, probably from the Hindi billayati, meaning a foreign land.

Blimey!: An exclamation of shock or surprise similar to “My Goodness!” A corruption of the oath “God Blind Me”.

Blinding: Awesome.

Blinkered: Narrow minded; narrow sighted

Bloke: Any man or sometimes a man in authority such as the boss.

Bloody: Damn. One of the most useful swear words in English!

Blooming, blummin’ (archaic): An alternative or euphemism for the word “bloody”. Used as an intensifier e.g. “blooming marvellous”.

Blow me: It is not a request for services to be performed, but an exclamation of surprise. Short for “Blow me down”. It is something like I am so surprised you could knock me over just by blowing. Similar to “Knock me down with a feather”.

Blow off: Fart.

Blue: Policeman; a Tory.

Bo-Peep: Sleep.

Bob’s your uncle: That’s it! This is a well used phrase is added to the end of sentences like “… and that’s it!”

Bobby: Policeman.

Bod: A male person. Short for body.

Bodge (also botch): To make a mess of or to fix poorly.

Bog: Toilet.

Bog off: Go away (originally RAF slang).

Bog Roll: Toilet paper.

Bogtrotter: A derogatory term for an Irishman particularly an Irish peasant.

Bollocking: A severe telling off.

Bollocks: Balls; vulgar term used for testicles; talking rubbish; total shit; useless; nonsense; having poor quality.

Bomb: Expensive; going really well; really fast; to travel at high speed.

Bonce: Head, crown of the head. Also a large playing marble.

Bonk: To have sex

Booze: An alcoholic drink (noun); to drink alcohol (verb), particularly to excess.

Boozer: Someone who consumes alcohol to excess; a pub or bar.

Boracic: without money.skint.

Bottle: Have no fear; Courage after twenty pints of lager; money collected by buskers or street vendors; to attack someone with a broken bottle.

Bounce: To con someone into believing or doing something; to forcibly eject someone; swagger; impudence or cockiness.

Bouncer: A person employed to eject drunks and troublemakers.

Brass: Money; Cheek, nerve; a prostitute.

Brassed off: Fed up; pissed.

Brill: Brilliant; cool.

Bristols: The female breasts.

Bristol bits: Tits.

Bristol City: Titty..

Broke: Without money. Also ‘stoney broke’, or just ‘stoney’.

Brown bread: Dead.

Brown-tongue: Sycophant; toady or a person who attempts to curry favour with another.

Budge up: Move and make some space.

Buff: Bare skin Example: naked as in ‘in the buff’); having a lean, muscular physique (usually referring to a young man).

Bugger: As a term of abuse for someone or something contemptible, difficult or unpleasant; as an endearment, as in ‘you silly bugger’; as an exclamation of dissatisfaction, annoyance or surprise – Jerk, Fuck, Shit; to mean tired or worn out as in ‘I’m absolutely buggered; to mean frustrate, complicate or ruin completely, as in ‘You’ve buggered that up’.

Bugger about (or bugger around): To fool around or waste time; to create difficulties or complications.

Bugger all: Nothing.

Bugger off!: Go away!; Leave me alone!

Bum: Buttocks, anus or both; a tramp; scrounge.

Bumf: Derogatory reference to official memos or paperwork; toilet roll. Shortened from bum fodder.

Bumsucker: A toady, creep or someone acting in an obsequious manner.

Bung: Throw; bribe.

Bunk: To leave inappropriately as in to ‘bunk off’ school or work; to run away in suspicious circumstances as in to ‘do a bunk’.

C

Cabbage: A stupid person or someone with no mental abilities; cloth trimmed from a customer’s material by a tailor; pilfer or steal.

Carzey: A privy; toilet.

Chap: Male; friend.

Charver or charva: Sexual intercourse; a loose woman; someone with whom it is easy to have sexual intercourse; an easy lay; to mess up, spoil or ruin.

Chat Up: Flirt; try and pick someone.

Chav, chavi or chavvy: Child (from the Romany, chavi. Still used in rural areas).

Chav: white trash; a person who is, or pretends to be of a low social standing and who dresses in a certain style, typically badly or in sports clothing. Often used as a form of derogation.

Cheesed off: Fed up; disgusted; angry.

Chin Wag: Chat.

Chip shop: A carpentry.

Chippy: A carpenter.

Chuff: The buttocks; anus.

Chuffed: Pleased; proud.

Cobblers: talk rubbish; a load of bollocks.

Cock: Penis; nonsense; a friend or fellow.

Cockup or cock-up: Screw up; blunder; mess up; botch..

Codswallop: Talking baloney; nonsense.

Collywobbles: An upset stomach; acute feeling of nervousness.

Conk: The head or the nose; to strike the head or nose.

Cop: A policeman (short for copper).

Cor: An expression of surprise similar to “My Goodness!”

Cor blimey: An exclamation of surprise. It is a corruption of the oath “God Blind Me”.

Corker: An outstanding someone or something.

Cottage: A public lavatory.

Cottaging: Homosexual activity in a public lavatory.

Cracker: Someone or something of notable ability or quality.

Cracking: Stunning; the best.

Crackers: Insane.

Cram: Study hard.

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What Does LOL, LMAO, ROFL, BRB, AFK, TY, THX, etc., Mean?


Readers have viewed this post more than 375,076 times.

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Myself . 

By T. V. Antony Raj
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Internet slang - 1

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Internet users coin “internet slang” to save time on keystrokes. It saves the writer’s time, but most writers do not realize that the reader of their slang spends more than twice the time to understand what the writer is trying to say. That is why I strive not to use internet slang in my communications.

While surfing, and by searching the internet, I deduced the meaning of a few internet slang plus a few others which I would like to share here with you.

Listing of Internet Slang and Acronyms

Slang and Acronyms  =    Meaning

1                                 =    One / exclamation mark

2                                 =   To / Too / Two

4                                 =   For or Four

AFAP                           =   As Far As Possible

A&F                             =  AAF Always And Forever

A3                               =  Anywhere, Any time, Any place

AA                               =  Alcoholics Anonymous

AAB                             =  Average At Best

AAK                             =  Alive And Kicking

AAMOF                         =  As A Matter Of Fact

AAP                             =  Always A Pleasure

AAR                             =  At Any Rate

AAYF                           =  As Always, Your Friend

ABD                            =  Already Been Done

ABH                            =  Actual Bodily Harm

ABN                            =  Asshole By Nature

ABT                            =  Absolutely

ABT                            =  About

ADL                            =  All Day Long

ADMIN                        =  Administrator

ADN                            =  Any Day Now

AEAE                           =  And Ever And Ever

AEAP                           =  As Early As Possible

AFAIAC / AFAIC            =  As Far As I Am Concerned

AFAICS                        =  As Far As I Can See

AFAICT                        =  As Far As I Can Tell

AFAIK                          =  As Far As I Know

AFC                             =  Away From Computer

AFD                             =  All F***ing Day

AFT                             =  About F***ing Time

AGW                           =  All Going Well

Aight                           =  Are you alright, Yo

ALOL                           =  Actually Laughing Out Loud

ANY1                          =  Anyone

AYSOS                        =  Are You Stupid Or Something?

B                                 =  Be

B4                               =  Before

Bb                               =  Bye Bye, Goodbye

BBIAB                      =  Be Back In A Bit

BBL                            =  Be Back Later

BBS                           =  Be Back Soon

BD                             =  Big Deal

BRB                           =  Be right back

BRB                           =  Be right back / Bath-room break

BRT                           =  Be right there

BTW                         =  By the way

C                                  =  See

CSWS                       =  Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

CU                               =  See you

CUL                             =  See you later

Cuz                              =  Because

CYA                            =  See you

CYS                             =  Check Your Settings

da                                 =  The

dat                                =  That

der                                =  There

DIAF                            =  Die In A Fire

Dunno                         =  Don’t know

FAQ                              =  Frequently Asked Questions

FOAD                           =  **** Off And Die

FTL                                =  For The Loss

FTUW                          =  For The Uber Win

FTW                              =  For The Win

FWIW                          =  For What It’s Worth

FYI                                =  For Your Information

G2G / GTG               =  Got to go

GAL                              =  Get A Life

GFY                              =  Good For You

GG                               =  Good game, Good going

GIYF                             =  Google Is Your Friend

HAND                        =  Have A Nice Day

HS                                =  Holy Shit

HTH                            =  Hope This Helps

IACL                            =  I Am Currently Laughing

IANAL                        =  I Am Not A Lawyer

IANARS                    =  I Am Not A Rocket Scientist

IC                                 =  I see

ICYDK                      =  In Case You Didn’t Know

IDGI                           =  I Don’t Get It

IDK                             =  I Don’t Know

IIRC                            =  If I Recall Correctly

ILY / ILU                   =  I Love You

IMHO                        =  In My Honest Opinion

IMNSHO                 =  In My Not So Honest Opinion

IMO                            =  In My Opinion

IRL                               =  In Real Life

ITT                              =  In This Thread

IYDMMA                =  If You Don’t Mind Me Asking

JJ                                 =  Just Joking

JK                                =  Just Kidding

JOOC                           =  Just Out Of Curiosity

JP                                =  Just Playing

K                                  =  Okay

KKOk                         =  Cool / Ok Kewl

KL                                =  kool, cool

Kwl                              =  Cool

L8r                              =  Later

LLAH                         =  Laughing Like A Hyena

LMAO                       =  Laughing My Ass Off

LMFAO                    =  Laughing My F*cking Ass Off

LOL                             =  Laugh Out Loud

LQTM                        =  Laugh Quietly To Myself

M8                              =  Mate

MYOB                      =  Mind Your Own Business

NLS                            =  Not Life Safe

NOYB                      =  None Of Your Business

NP                             =  No Problem

NSFW                      =  Not Safe For Work

NVM                         =  Never mind

NWS                         =  Not Work Safe

O                                =  Oh

O3                              =  Out of Office

OIC                             =  Oh, I see

OJ                               =  Only Joking

OMG                         =  Oh My God! / Oh My Goodness!,

OC                              =  Out Of Character

OP                              =  Original Poster / Original Post

OT                              =  Off Topic

PEBKAC                 =  Problem Exists Between The Keyboard And The Chair

Pic                              =  Picture

PITA                           =  Pain In The Ass

Pix                              =  Pictures

Plz / Pls                       =  Please

PPMSLL                       =  Pissing/ Pissed Myself Laughing

POSL                          =  Piece Of ShIt

PPLL                           =  People

PTTLL                         =  Pop To The Loo

RL                              =  Real Life

ROFL                          =  Rolling On The Floor Laughing

ROFLMAO                   =  Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off

ROFLMAOL                 =  Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Out Loud

Shudda                       =  Should Have

SMH                           =  Shaking My Head

SO                             =  Significant Other

SOS                           =  Same Old Shit

Soz / srry                 =  Sorry

SSDD                        =  Same Shit, Different Day

STFW                       =  Search The F*cking Web

sup                            =  What’s up?

sup homes            =  What’s up, friend?

SWW                      =  Sorry, Wrong Window – typing in the wrong box

Thnx                          =  Thanks

Tho                            =  Though

TIA                            =  Thanks In Advance

TTFN                          =  Ta Ta For Now

TTYL                          =  Talk To You Later

TTYT                          =  Talk To You Tomorrow

TY                              =  Thank You

TYT                            =  Take Your Time

U                                =  You

W8                              =  Wait

Wanna                      =  Want to

WB                             =  Welcome Back

Wd                              =  Well done

WDUWTA?                   =  What Do You Want To Talk About?

Wile                             =  While

WOOT                         =  We Own the Other Team

WTH?                          =  What The Hell?

WURSC                     =  Wow, you are so cool

YCM                           =  You Copied Me

Ye                               =  Yeah / Yes

YMMV                      =  Your Mileage May Vary

Yo                               = Hey / Your

YSVW                       =  You are So Very Welcome

YW                              =  You are Welcome

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“A Christmas Carol ” by Charles Dickens Revived the Spirit of Christmas


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Myself 

By T. V. Antony Raj.

“I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that–as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time.” – Charles Dickens

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
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Here is the preface written by Charles Dickens for the memorable Christmas story of all time, “A Christmas Carol” published on December 17, 1843:

I have endeavoured in this Ghostly little book, to raise the Ghost of an Idea, which shall not put my readers out of humour with themselves, with each other, with the season, or with me. May it haunt their houses pleasantly, and no one wish to lay it.
Their faithful Friend and Servant,
C. D.
December, 1843.

Through this novella, Charles Dickens was the first person to introduce the phrase “Merry Christmas” to English. This masterpiece also added the name “Scrooge” and the exclamation “Bah! Humbug!” to the English vernacular.

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Charles Dickens by Frith (1859)
Charles Dickens by Frith (1859)

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Charles Dickens (born Charles John Huffam Dickens, February 7, 1812 – June 9, 1870), an English writer and social critic rose from a downtrodden family background. His early experience of a life of poverty and deprivation helped him create some of the most memorable characters of all time.

During his later life, Charles Dickens enjoyed unprecedented fame through his works, and by the twentieth century, he was broadly acknowledged by critics and scholars as a literary genius. Even now, readers consider Dickens as one of the greatest writers of the Victorian Period. His novels and short stories are still widely popular. His works include A Christmas Carol, A Tale of Two Cities, Bleak House, David Copperfield, Great Expectations, Hard Times, and many more.

Charles Dickens concerned about poor children wanted to publish a pamphlet titled “An Appeal to the People of England, on Behalf of the Poor Man’s Child,”  to draw the attention of workers and employers to the plight of poor children. Instead, he wrote A Christmas Carol, for he thought that an irresistible Christmas story with a plot that highlighted the struggles of the poor would have a better and broader appeal.

Dickens started writing A Christmas Carol in October 1843 and finished it by the end of November, in time to be published for Christmas. The book was illustrated by John Leech.

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Title page of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (First edition 1843)
Title page of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (First edition 1843)

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It was published in early Victorian Era Britain, a period when people longed for the old nostalgic Christmas traditions. It was at this time that new customs, such as Christmas trees and greeting cards were introduced.

Dickens’ sources for the powerful, impressive, and enduring tale appear to be many and varied. He leaned on Washington Irving’s essays on Christmas published in his Sketch Book in 1820, describing the traditional old English Christmas; various Christmas stories, fairy tales and nursery stories; as well as satirical essays and religious tracts. However, the humiliating experiences of his childhood, the plight of the poor and their children during the boom decades of the 1830s and 1840s, impelled him to write the book.

The book’s first run of 6,000 copies sold out before Christmas Eve, and by the following May seven editions sold out. However, it did not produce a windfall for Dickens, who paid the original production costs due to a dispute with his publisher.

A Christmas Carol tells the story of the bitter old miser Ebenezer Scrooge and his transformation resulting from supernatural visits by Jacob Marley and the Ghosts of Past, Present, and Yet to Come Christmases. The novella was an instant success and received wide critical acclaim. It became the most popular Christmas tale ever to be written. Dickens never anticipated that his characterization of Tiny Tim, the embodiment of England’s poor children, and the personification of Scrooge modeled after his estranged father, would receive such an accolade from his readers.

Many have credited A Christmas Carol with reviving the spirit of Christmas celebration, after a period of sobriety and sombreness, as one of merriment and festivity in Britain and America.

A Christmas Carol has been adapted in numerous plays, operas, ballets and films. It is in its 24th edition. It is estimated that about five billion copies have been sold to date.

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A Christmas Carol - Wall Paper

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RELATED ARTICLES

Am I a Wise Moron?


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Myself 

By T.V. Antony Raj

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Recently I came across the following in Facebook:

Oxymorons

An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines ostensibly contradictory terms. Appropriately, the word oxymoron is itself oxymoronic because it is formed from two Greek roots of opposite meaning: ὀξύς (oxus, “sharp, keen”) + μωρός (mōros, “dull, stupid”). Moros is the root of the word moron.

Henry George Liddell, Robert Scott, Henry Stuart Jones and Roderick McKenzie in their work A Greek-English Lexicon illustrate an example of the Greek compound word ὀξύς-μωρος (English: pointedly foolish):

τὸ ὀξύμωρον” – a witty saying, the more pointed from being paradoxical or seemingly absurd, such as insaniens sapientia, strenua inertia, splendide mendax.

So, oxymoron is a single-word oxymoron consisting of two morphemes that are dependent in English similar to sophomore (literally “wise fool”). There are indeed many sophomoric sophomores.

Plural of oxymoron is oxymorons or oxymora. However, I prefer the word oxymora for the plural form.

In our daily life we use oxymora in many contexts, including inadvertent errors such as: open secret, clearly confused, act naturally, alone together and so on.

Many literary works contain literary oxymora. The 17th century literary work “Idylls of the King” by Lord Alfred Tennyson, Poet Laureate of Great Britain and Ireland, has two oxymora:

And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.”

Some oxymora are crafted to show a paradox. On April 26, 2012, DiaNuke.org published an article titled:

Lessons of Chernobyl and Fukushima: Nuclear Safety is an Oxymoron

The most common form of an oxymoron involves an adjective–noun combination of two words.

dark light, living dead, guest host, little while, mad wisdom, mournful optimist, violent relaxation

Noun-verb combinations of two words also appear infrequently. For example: the line “The silence whistles” from Nathan Alterman’s Summer Night, and the title of a music record album – “Sounds of Silence“.

There are single-word oxymora composed of dependent morphemes:

pianoforte (“soft-loud”), preposterous (“before-after”), superette (“big-small”), etc.

Also, many single-word oxymora are composed of independent morphemes – two meaning-bearing elements that could each be a word in itself joined together to form a single word:

ballpoint, bittersweet, bridegroom, firewater, kickstand, someone, speechwriting, spendthrift, wholesome,etc.

Many oxymora are a pair of words:

awful(ly) good, barely clothed, benevolent despot, benign neglect, build-down, building wrecking, clearly obfuscating, damned good, deliberate speed, elevated subway, exactly wrong, far nearer, final draft, freezer burn, fresh frozen, growing small, hardly easy, idiot savant, industrial park, inside out, light heavyweight, little big, loyal opposition, mobile home, negative growth, old boy, one-man band, open secret, original copy, painfully beautiful, press release, random order, recorded live, sight unseen, small fortune, standard deviation, student teacher, terribly good, working vacation.

For a longer list of oxymora see my article titled “List of Some of the Many Oxymora I Have Come Across.

An oxymoron is not always a pair of words; they can also be devised in the semantics of sentences or phrases:

  • Andy Warhol: “I am a deeply superficial person.”
  • Anthony Haden-Guest: “Of course I can keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t keep them.”
  • Arthur Baer: “She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.”
  • Charles Lamb: “I like a smuggler. He is the only honest thief.”
  • Clara Barton: “I distinctly remember forgetting that.”
  • Dolly Parton: “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.”
  • Donald Trump: “The budget was unlimited, but I exceeded it.”
  • Edna St. Vincent Millay: “I like humanity, but I loathe persons.”
  • George Bernard Shaw: “Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.”
  • Henry Ford: “A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.”
  • Irene Peter: “Always be sincere, even though you do not necessarily mean it.”
  • Isaac B. Singer: “We must believe in free will. We have no choice.”
  • Josh Billings: “Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”
  • Lord Alfred Tennyson: “And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.”
  • Mark Twain: “I can resist everything but temptation.”
  • Mark Twain: “It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”
  • Oscar Wilde: “I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible.”
  • Oscar Wilde: “I can resist anything, except temptation.”
  • P.G. Wodehouse: “I generally advise persons never ever to present assistance.”
  • Samuel Goldwyn: “Modern dancing is so old fashioned.”
  • W.C. Fields: “The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
  • Winston Churchill: “A joke is actually an extremely really serious issue.”
  • Winston Churchill: “I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place.”
  • Yogi Berra: “I never said most of the things I said.”
  • Yogi Berra: “Why don’t you pair ‘em up in threes?”

Here are some brightly forged oxymora penned by great English writers:

  • Byron: melancholy merriment
  • Chaucer: hateful good
  • Hemingway: scalding coolness
  • Milton: darkness visible
  • Pope: damn with faint praise
  • Shakespeare: parting is such sweet sorrow
  • Spenser: proud humility
  • Tennyson: falsely true
  • Thomson: expressive silence
Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn

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Polish-born American film producer Samuel Goldwyn (born Szmuel Gelbfisz c. July 1879 – January 31, 1974) was famous for his quick wit and humor. In 1913, Goldwyn along with his brother-in-law Jesse L. Lasky, Cecil B. DeMille, and Arthur Friend formed a partnership, The Jesse L. Lasky Feature Play Company, the first feature motion picture company on the West Coast. to produce feature length motion pictures.

Once, Samuel Goldwyn commented: “Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union.

When asked about his autobiography, Goldwyn replied: “I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.

When told his son was getting married, he quipped: “Thank heaven. A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.

Here are a few of Goldwyn’s funny oxymora:

  • A hospital is no place to be sick.
  • A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
  • Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
  • Click the ‘Start’ button to shut down the computer.
  • Don’t worry about the war. It’s all over but the shooting.
  • Gentlemen, I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong.
  • Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
  • I can give you a definite perhaps.
  • I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.
  • I never liked you, and I always will.
  • I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them five years.
  • I paid too much for it, but its worth it.
  • I was always an independent, even when I had partners.
  • I’ll give you a definite maybe.
  • If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive!
  • If you fall and break your legs, don’t come running to me.
  • If Roosevelt were alive, he’d turn over in his grave.
  • Include me out.
  • It’s absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.
  • It’s more than magnificent – it’s mediocre.
  • Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
  • Spare no expense to save money on this one.
  • Tell them to stand closer apart.
  • The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.
  • We’re overpaying him, but he’s worth it.

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RELATED ARTICLES

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List of Some of the Many Oxymora I Have Come Across


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Myself 

By T.V. Antony Raj

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Genuine Fake Watches

An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines ostensibly contradictory terms. Appropriately, the word oxymoron is itself oxymoronic because it is formed from two Greek roots of opposite meaning: ὀξύς (oxus, “sharp, keen”) + μωρός (mōros, “dull, stupid”).

The most common form of oxymoron involves an adjective–noun combination of two words.

dark light, living dead, guest host, little while, mad wisdom, mournful optimist, violent relaxation

Plural of oxymoron is oxymorons or oxymora.

Why do writers use phrases that do not seem to be logical?

  1. To Create a Dramatic Effect: To call attention to a picture or a scenery the writer calls it “painfully beautiful!” or uses any such oxymoron to show that the object has two different qualities at the same time.
  2. To Add Flavour to Speech: A writer finds a new way to describe an individual by using an oxymoron such as “unpopular celebrity” or describes an object by using the oxymoron “naturally weird.”
  3. To Entertain: When the writer wants to be witty, he uses words that make people laugh. Oscar Wilde comically writes “I can resist anything, except temptation.”

I have listed below some of the many oxymora I have come across in my reading. If you think that any in this list is not an oxymoron, please let me know so that I can drop them. Also, if you do come across any other interesting oxymora other than what I have included in this list, please let me know so that I can add them.

A30

absolutely unsure, abundant poverty, accidentally on purpose, accurate estimate, accurate horoscope, accurate rumors, accurate stereotype, act naturally, active retirement, actual reenactment, adult children, Advanced BASIC, advanced beginner, all alone, almost exactly, alone together, altogether separate, amateur expert, amazingly awful, American English, amicable divorce, anarchy rules!, anonymous colleague, anti-missile missile, anxious patient, apathetic interest, appear invisible, approximate solution, approximately equal, arrogant humility, artificial grass, artificial intelligence, assistant supervisor, astronomically small, auto pilot, authentic replica, authentic reproduction, awfully good, awfully delicious, awfully lucky, awfully nice, awfully pretty

B30

baby giant, bad health, bad luck, bad sport, balanced insanity, ballpoint, baggy tights, bankrupt millionaire, barely clothed, barely dressed, beautifully painful, benevolent despot, benign neglect, big baby, bipartisan cooperation, birth control, bittersweet, blameless culprit, bland spice, boneless ribs, boring entertainment, born dead,  bridegroom, bug fix, build down, building wrecking, bureaucratic efficiencies, buried alive, burning cold, butt head

C30

calculated risk, calm storm, canned fresh, cautiously optimistic, center around, certain risk, certainly unsure, chaotic organization, cheerful pessimist, cheerful undertaker, cheerfully cynical, cheerfully mournful, chilling fever, civil engineer, civilized warfare, clean dirt, clean litter, clean toilet, clearly confused, clearly ambiguous, clearly confused, clearly misunderstood, clearly obfuscating, clever fool, climb down, clogged drain, closer apart, close distance, cluster bomb, co-ed fraternity, co-ed sorority, cold fever, cold hotdog, cold toast, comedic tragedy, comfortable tights, commercial art, common abnormality, common phenomenon, complete separation, completely destroyed, completely unfinished, component parts, compulsory volunteers, concrete pad, confident fear, conscripted volunteer, Conservative Democrat, conservative liberal, consistent discrepancies, consistent uncertainties, consistently inconsistent, conspicuously absent, constant change, constant infrequent, constant variable, constructive criticism, constructive negativity, continuing resolution, contra aid, contra assistance, controlled enthusiasm, controlled chaos, convergent evolution, countless numbers, cowardly lion, crash landing, creative destruction, criminal justice, crisis management, critical acclaim, cruel kindness, current history, curved Line

D30

daily special, damned good, dangerously safe, dark day, dark light, dark star, darkness visible, dead livestock, deaf listener, deafening silence, deeply superficial, defensive strike, deficit spending, definite maybe, definite perhaps, deliberate mistake, deliberate speed, deliberately thoughtless, delicious torment, demanding patient, deregulation law, detailed summary, devilish angel, devout atheist, different pattern, diligent sloth, diminishing growth, diminutive giants, dim light, dimwit, direct circumvention, disgustingly delicious, distant relative, divided unity, doing nothing, double solitaire, doubting believers, droning silence, dry ice, dry lake, dry pond, dry snow, dull knife, dull needle, dull roar, dynamic monotone, dynamic stability

E30

easy labor, educated guess, elevated subway, élite rabble, eloquent silence, energetic exhaustion, enormously small, entertaining sermon, enthusiastic indifference, equally diverse, essential luxury, eternal life, ethical hackers, even odds, exact estimate, exactly wrong, executive assistant, executive secretary, expected surprise, explicitly ambiguous, expressive silence, extinct life, expressive silence, extended deadline, extensive briefing

F30

fail safe, fairly accurate, fairly explicit, fairly obvious, fallout shelter, false fact, falsely true, famous-anonymous, farewell reception, far nearer, fast snail, fast turtle, fast walk, faultily faultless, fearful bravery, female gunman, fiberglass, fictional truth, fictional reality, fiery ice, final draft, finally again, fine mess, firewater, firm maybe, firm pillow, first annual, first conclusions, first deadline, flexible freeze, floppy disk, foreign national, forgotten memories, former native, former President-for-life, forward back, found missing, free credit, free election, free gift, free labor, free love, free prisoner, free purchase, free rent, free trade, freezer burn, fresh cheese, fresh dried-fruit, fresh frozen, friendly advice, friendly argument, friendly competitor, friendly divorce, friendly enemy, friendly fights, friendly fire, frightening comfort, front end, frugal gourmet, full-time hobby, future history, fuzzy logic

G30

gargantuan Lilliputian, gentle turbulence, gentleman bandit, genuine fake, genuine imitation, genuine imitation-leather, giant dwarf, gigantic microorganism, global village, going nowhere, good garbage, good grief, good junk, goodbye reception, graduate student, great depression, green oranges, gregarious recluse, grotesque beauty, growing smaller, guest host, gummily brittle

H30

half empty, half full, happily married, happy pessimist, hard cushion, hardly easy, harmless abuse, harmless lie, harmless sin, harmonious discord, hasten slowly, hatefully good, healthy chocolate, heavy diet, heavy gas, Hell’s Angels, high ground, holy hell, home office, honest convict, honest crook, honest liar, honest politician, honest thief, hopeful pessimist, hopelessly optimistic, horribly decent, hot chilli, house boat, huge shortage, human robot, humane robotics

I30

icy hot, idiot savant, idly laborious, ignorant professor, ill fortune, ill-health, impatient patient, important trivia, indifferently attentive, industrial park, inside out, initial conclusion, initial results, initial retirement, innocent criminal, insane logic, insanely normal, increasing declines, incredibly common, inside out, irate patient

J30

joyful trouble, jumbo shrimp, Jumpstart, junk food, just war

K30

kickstand, known covert-operation, kosher ham

L30

ladies man, larger half, last initial, least favorite, legitimate conspiracy, liberal conservative, liberal fundamentalists, light darkness, light heavyweight, linear curve, liquid crystal, liquid food, liquid gas, liquid metal, liquid smoke, literal interpretation, literary illiterates, little big, little giant, little pregnant, little while, live recording, living dead, local network, long brief, long shorts, loose tights, loud whisper, loud silence, lovers’ quarrel, low altitude, lower inflation, loyal opposition

M30

macro-microorganism, mad wisdom, major minority, man-child, mannish woman, marital bliss, massively thin, master slave, mature student, maxi thins, mean smile, meaningful nonsense, meatless meat, medium Large, melancholy merriment, melted Ice, mercy killing, metal woods, Mexican American, micro-mainframe, Middle East, midnight sun, mighty weak, mild abrasive, mild interest, militant pacifist, mini jumbo, minor crisis, misanthropic humanitarian, missing present, mobile home, modern tradition, modestly arrogant, more unique, mournful optimist, moving target, muscular fat, mute sound, mutual differences, mutually exclusive

N30

nameless celebrity, nasty politeness, Native American, natural artifact, natural makeup, natural synthetic, naturally strange, near future, near miss, neat mess, necessary evil, negative gain, negative growth, neutral charge, never again, never ever, new archeology, new classic, new cliche, new tradition, noble savage, noiseless sound, noisy mime, non-alcoholic beer, non-alcoholic wine, non-dairy creamer, non-denominational church, non-fat cream, non-stick glue, non-stick gum, non-stick velcro, non-stop flight, non-working mother, normal deviation, nothing much, noticeable absence, now then, nuclear defense, nuclear safety, numb feeling, numbing sensation

O30

obedient defiance, obscene art, obvious secret, obviously concealed, ocean shore, oddly appropriate, oddly natural, old boy, old fashion,  old newborn, old news, one-man band, once again, one choice, one-man band, one-person crew, only choice, open lock, open-minded, open secret, open-book test, opposite attraction, orderly confusion, organized anarchy, organized chaos, organized confusion, organized mess, original copy, original reprint, original reproduction, outer core, oven fried, oxymoron, oyster crackers

P30

paid volunteer, painfully beautiful, painless torture, painless dentistry, paper tablecloth, paper towel, parallel connection, Park Drive, partial cease-fire, parting is such sweet sorrow, peace force, partial conclusion, partial success, partly pregnant, passive aggression, passive aggressive, passive confrontation, past prediction, patriotic militia, peace force, peace offensive, peace riot, peaceful protests, Peacekeeper Missile, Peacekeeping Force, PeaceMaker missile, peasant king, perfect idiot, perfect misfit, perfectly awful, perfectly normal, perfectly ridiculous, perfect screw-up, permanent substitute, persistent ambivalence, personal business, petty cash, pianoforte, pious atheist, plain buttered-bagels, planned spontaneity, plastic flowers, plastic glasses, plastic silverware, plastic straw, plastic wood, player-coach, pleasant hell, pleasantly confused, pleasing pain, politely insulting, political ethics, political promise, political trust, pool table, poor rich-kid, positively negative, positively wrong, post-modern, pretty cruel, pretty ugly, pretty fierce, practice test, precious junk, predictably random, preliminary conclusion, premeditated spontaneity,  preposterous, press release, pretty bad, pretty disgusting, priceless junk, problem solved, pro-contra, procrastinate now, progressing backward, Progressive Conservative, proprietary standard, proud humility, public secret, pure evil, pure dirt, pure speculation

Q30

questionable answer, quiet hurricanes, quiet loudspeaker,quiet noise,quiet presence, quiet revolution, quiet riot, quiet scream, quiet storm, quiet tirade, quiet yell

R30

random logic, random orderrandomly organized, random pattern, real fantasy, real magic, real phony, real potential, realistic fantasy, realistic liberal, realistic simulation, reasonable fees, recent history, recently new, reckless caution, recoilless rifle, recorded live, recycling dump, red licorice, regular special, rehearsed improvisation, relative stranger, remember forgetting, remotely obvious, removable sticker, renegade lawmakers, required donation, required elective, resident alien, resolute ambivalence, restless sleep, retired Worker, rising deficits, roaring silence, rogue cop, rolling stop, round corner, round edges, routine emergency, routine surgery, rubber bones, rubber cement, run slowly, running idle, rush hour, rustic elegance

S30

sad clown, sad joy, sad optimist, sad smile, sadly amused, sadly funny, safe bet, safe guns, safe investment, safe sex, safe weapons, safety hazard, same difference, sanitary napkin, sanitary sewer, scalding coolness, scheduled spontaneity, school vacation, science fiction, scientific speculation, screaming silence,  scripted spontaneity,  seashore, second best, second initial, secret rumor, sedate sex, semiprecious, serious clown, serious comic, serious fun, serious humor, seriously funny, shabby chic, shared monopoly, sharp curve, short distance, shouting whispers, shyly pompous, sight unseen, silent alarm, silent applause, silent barber, silent cacophony, silent noise, silent scream, silent sound, silent speech, silent testimony, silent women, silent yell, simple calculus, simple procedure, simple plan, simple technology, simply superb, sincere lie, sinfully good, single copy, single diversity, single pair, sit up, slave master, sleep vigorously, slight exaggeration, slight hernia, slightly overweight, slightly pregnant, slow jet, slow jog, slow speed, slow-motion explosion, small crowd, smart fool, smart idiot, small fortune, small giant, smokeless cigarette, snow-white tan, soaring down, sober drunk, social hermit, social outcast, soft thunder, solid rumor, solo concert, solo ensemble, someone, sound of silence, sound-filled silence, specifically vague, spectator sport, speech writing, speed limit, spendthrift, splendidly dull, spoken thought, squared circle, staged accident, standard deviation, start stopping, static variable, stationary orbit, stealth bomber, steel wool, still moving, still wind, stop action, straight angle, straight hook, straight-forward, strangely familiar, student teacher, stunted growth, stupid genius, subtle exaggeration, successful suicide, sugarless candy, sun shade, superette, sure bet, sure guess, sweet pickle, sweet agony, sweet sorrow, sweet-tart, synthetic natural gas, systematic chaos, systematic disorder, systematic variance

T30

talking mime, tame beast, taped live, tense calm, terminal initialization, terribly enjoyable, terribly good, terribly nice, terribly pleased, thunderous silence, tight slacks, timeless moment, tiny mountain, toll free, tomorrow today, top floor, totalitarian democracy, totally partial, traditionally radical, tragic comedy, tranquil fiesta, transient stability, tremendously small, troubled paradise, true counterfeit, true fiction, true gossip, true illusion, true lies, true myth, true story, typically odd, typically weird

U30

unbelievably real, unbiased opinion, unbiased predisposition, uncommonly common, uncommonly normal, uncrowned king, undocumented report, uninvited guest, united anarchist, unique uniforms, unknown identity, unknown knowledge, upcoming downtrend, upside down, unpopular celebrity, unrepeatable pleonasm, unsalted saltines, unspoken suggestion, unsung hero, unusual routine, unwelcome greetings, usually unusual

V30

valuable junk, vegetarian meatball, venial sin, violent agreement, violent relaxation, virtual reality

W30

waking dream, walking dead, warm ice, waterproof sponge, weak muscle, wedded bliss, weekday, weirdly normal, well-preserved ruins, whole half, whole hemisphere, whole part, whole piece, whole percentage, wholesome, wickedly good, wordless book, working hobby, working holiday, working vacation, worst favorite, worthless gold

Y30

young adult, young sixty

Z30

zero deficit

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Add this anywhere

preposterous

The Unheard Cries of A Misplaced Apostrophe by Felix O’Shea


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Posted on January 18, 2013

Poor little apostrophe. He knows his place, and more importantly, he knows when he’s not in it. Some, or all, will say that it isn’t really too important, and that as long as you get the gist of what is meant, then the grammatical semantics of the written word can probably fall by the wayside. However, if the boat of proper grammar truly is sinking, then I would rather let the weight of a million neglected semi-colons and brackets pull me down to the dreary depths of the abyss, than abandon ship and take refuge upon the misplaced and miserable apostrophe that hangs lifeless between the O and the S in the word: photo’s, or cling to safety upon the second f in the word of.

Now in writing this, I just want to assure anyone reading that I am not trying to seem patronising, nor am I pretending to be an expert; I can assure you that I’m not! I do, on occasion, get quite baffled with so many of the finer and seemingly more insignificant points of english grammar: a possessive of a plural, apostrophes on names that already end in ‘s‘, and so on, but what I’m trying to speak in favour of is the feeling that you needn’t be wrong, it doesn’t take that much effort to look it up and, let’s be honest, abbreviating and misspelling words in text messages really doesn’t save that much time!

Also, since I mentioned saving time, I may as well have a quick rant about how utterly, utterly stupid it is to replace a few letters with a number, or a word with a letter. I will of course concede that great is indeed two characters longer than gr8, and that if someone wrote b4 in a certain context, I would be able to deduce that they meant before; and I dare say that if ever I read “U R L8!”, I would probably be able to extract the meaning of that as well, albeit amidst a flurry of rage; but are we really in such a hurry all the time that we just can’t spare the fraction of a second lost by writing you’re instead of ure? It’s trying to look cool, because people think proper English isn’t. It’s the grammatical equivalent of wearing sunglasses at night.

There are a lot of aspects of our fine language that can baffle some, for instance the eternal battle between then and than (simple answer: then is chronological; than is comparitive. E.g. I grabbed the chicken nugget that was bigger than all the rest, and then I ate it.), and I understand that it is an effort to remember it all, but it simply pains me to see people who lack the linguistic skills to convey their points; and it makes me sad, because I know that joy that it brings me to properly convey my own.

Always remember, a well placed apostrophe is a happy apostrophe; and you’re never too busy to write a legible text message.

Repost of The Unheard Cries of A Misplaced Apostrophe

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“You’ve Got Mail” by Judith Baxter


Being an Indian now I wonder when the Republic of India would be given such a notice of revocation of her independence. – T.V. Antony Raj
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Judith Baxter

By Judith Baxter

Posted on July 9, 2012 in I choose how I will spend the rest of my life

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

Queen Elizabeth

Here is today’s email..

To            The Citizens of the United States of America
From       Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II,
Subject   Greetings.

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

  1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’  Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters,  and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up ‘vocabulary’
  2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of  ‘-ize.’
  3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
  4.  You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
  5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
  6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
  7.  The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
  8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
  9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
  10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
  11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
  12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
  13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
  14.  An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
  15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
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