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Most of us are fools, for having nothing better to do than watch movies and soap operas, glued to the ‘idiot-box’. Here are a few things that I learned watching movies especially the American and Indian varieties.
American movies teach us:
01. More than 50% of the US population work for the US government and are invariably FBI or CIA agents.
02. The people belonging to communist or Islāmic countries are morbidly insane. Their sole purpose in life is to spy on US and kill god fearing innocent Americans.
03. The main purpose of the school system of US is to promote American Football, Basketball and Baseball.
04. All Chinese, Japanese and Koreans have nothing better to do than teach or practice Judo, Karate, or Kung Fu.
05. The Aliens from outer space either look like Steven Spielberg’s lovable serene ET or have a face with tentacles as in Schwarzenegger’s Predator and drool and salivate like mad dogs. Their blood is never red.
06. Aliens from outer space show special interest in US than any other country in the world. The UFOs always attack the Empire State Building first and then the White House. The US president will immediately board the Air Force One to escape the wrath of the aliens.
07. It is dangerous to travel to sparsely inhabited townships in the US even during day time because they might be inhabited by zombies.
08. Never wander on lonely roads and woods in US at night because they harbor werewolves and vampires.
09. The DNA information of each US citizens is available in the National DNA database of the DNA Profile Databank.
10. All Americans are anti-racists.
Indian movies teach us:
01. The hero will have at least one main sidekick who is always given the role of a comedian.
02. If the heroine too has a sidekick then our hero’s sidekick will invariably tie the wedding knot on this woman in the last scene.
03. All heroes and heroines in Indian cinema know to sing and dance gracefully. When they decide to dance, the scene will shift to a foreign country and a group of
local or foreign guys and girls in uniform will appear from nowhere, and dance along with them, with everyone knowing the steps. After the song is over, the dancers will vanish into thin air.
04. One of the identical twins is always ill-natured.
05. In most cases if the hero is a police inspector than he is sure to arrest a college girl, pickpocket or a club dancer. He then tames the shrew, falls in love with her and
marries her with the blessing of his single mother.
06. Initially, all Indian heroes will get thrashed and flipped about like stuffed toys by the main villain, but our hero will never feel or show pain or sustain any fracture even when beaten with iron rods. The hero will profusely bleed from his mouth but will have all his teeth intact. However, he will wince when the heroine tenderly touches or cleans the clotted blood on his mouth.
07. The main villain is ever surrounded by at least a dozen thugs who clench their fists and grimace trying to look villainous.
08. The hero will single-handedly beat dozens of thugs and finally the main antagonist. Not even his best friend, the sidekick, will come to his aid to fight the villains.
09. While defusing a bomb, the hero or the heroine or the sidekick comedian will always cut the correct wire just one second before the scheduled explosion of the bomb.
10. A detective or a police officer can solve cases only when suspended from duty.
An item common to both American and Indian cinema:
While the hero kills and mauls hundreds of villains on the home front or in battlefields, bullets only graze him.
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Related articles
- ‘We need an Indian film theory’ (thehindu.com)
- Indian Music Role In Indian Movies (websitesarticles.wordpress.com)
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