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Myself By T.V. Antony Raj
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Pitch-Madison Media Advertising

The Pitch-Madison Media Advertising Outlook 2009 study of the Indian advertising industry says:

1. Total advertising market grew 17% in 2008 and is projected to increase 2% in 2009.

2. Print Media continued to dominate with 47% share. It may have lost 1% share compared to 2007 but was still strong.

3. As expected Internet spending overtook television spending globally, however, the situation in India was and will continue differently. TV had a 41% share in 2008 compared to 1.7% for internet. Thus, in the Indian advertising world TV is still a very important medium.

However, most of you, like me, who are at the receiving end will agree that Indian TV advertisements do teach us many relevant things. Here are a few:

Priyanka Chopra looking awesome in this Garnier Ad.

Priyanka Chopra looking awesome in this Garnier Ad.

1. All Indians have “complexion” phobia. A dark complexion is the worst thing that could happen to an Indian woman or man. However, help is at hand. World’s #1 fairness creams with the new advanced multi-vitamins help to redefine the route to fairness.

2. A girl’s complexion is more important than her qualifications. A girl can become the Miss World or the next Indian Idol if she uses a particular fairness cream.

3. All Indian women, especially actresses, have hair or skin problems: Kareena Kapoor has dandruff, Katrina Kaif has dry hair, Shilpa Shetty has hair fall, and Priyanka Chopra has chip-chip or whatever.

4. Body deodorants are solely used by all Indian womanizers. A man does not need guts to approach a girl, he needs only a deodorant. So, even if your wife does not look hot, better lock her up in your bedroom when any male, young or old, appears at your doorstep with an unobtrusive mechanical counter in his hand and reeking awfully of strong body deodorant.

5. Any expert on TV, no matter what expertise he has, will always wear a white laboratory coat.

6. Every oral care product is #1 in India, recommended and endorsed by all TV dentists.

7. All toothpaste, soaps, detergents, disinfectants etc., kill only 99.9% of germs, bacteria and viruses.

8. Keep your bathroom door closed while brushing your teeth to keep TV reporters barging in and asking: “kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai?”

9. No salt? Don’t worry! Augment your curries with a strip of Colgate Active Salt Toothpaste.

10. No one can ever eat Cadbury’s “Silk” chocolate without smearing it all over their face.

11. Any automobile or motorcycle or scooter is #1 according to TV satisfied customers.

12. Almost everyone in India complains about bad roads but no one ever takes any constructive action except the affluent who overcome the rugged terrain and muddy
swamps by traveling in immaculately streamlined four-wheel drive vehicles.

13. Drink colas regularly and become a Superman! Colas can cure any phobia.

14. All superstars are poor because they invariably risk their lives for a bottle of soft drink.

15. In India, men use their motorcycles mainly to pick up beautiful young girls.

16. Directors Special/Kingfisher mainly produce and sell mineral water.

17. Bacardi manufactures music CD’s.

18. An insurance policy will make your wife and children happy after you die.

19. Indian mothers and their daughters talk only about the hair oil they use.

20. If a daughter is not willing to get married, take her to a jewelry or textile shop and she will give her consent.

21. To create a mutual understanding between your wife and your mother you can try swapping their cellphones.

22. Stain is good. Your mother would really feel happy if you come home after falling in to a ditch.

23. Rajnigandha Pan Masala is “the official enforcer of gravity of planet earth.” I am not able to understand what this means. Do you?

24. Thanks to TATA tea Jaago Re, we can change our nation’s problems by keeping India awake!

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